Famine rides my soul,
hunger contaminates
little pieces of death
love, laughter, happiness
those tastes of heaven
never satisfy
but turn oceans on my tongue
I want, therefore I am...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is a powerful write!
Bravo on such a wonderful write, I love it love it!
I also love the words chosen just awsome!
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God, this is heartbreaking
Poverty is everywhere -- and, of course, doesn't have to be. Greed and insensitivity prevail (especially with the Compassionate Conservatives in power).
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First line is a powerful and highly descriptive phrase, beautiful!
I don't understand the following combination of two lines. My mind tries to visualize hunger-contaminated little pieces of death, and sees them falling away from the soul like bits of dandruff. If already dead, there is nothing to notify the soul that they are shed, and the soul doesn't feel itself to be 'less'.
Soft middle stanza, gives counterpoint to first, and flows into the concluding lines.
I absolutely love your "never satisfy but turn oceans on my tongue"! As salt-water only intensifies thirst, the "taste" leaves you wanting. I'm not sure I understand the final "therefore I am..." Is there existence without wanting, and is famine the natural state? You have given me something to think on.
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Our want is never satisfied, it's true. I love the philosyphy in this write! Wonderful job you did here.
GBY
SilverButterfly
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Powerful piece, it does seem that part of existing is to want something. Even if we're really rich and happy we still want something else.
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Very true ~ honesty but lacking in something emotionally attaching me ~ as existence grips with the realness. But such a provoking entry.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck.
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I like this a lot, seems a unique idea or at least a unique phrasing...and so very thoughtful ...PK
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A clever spin on the Descartes philosophy.
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So sad a declaration. So full of sorrow. Brilliantly penned, and a wonderful entry here. Best of luck in the contest.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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