Septic suggestions of feeling (slide)
Seldom through
Harbinger's embrace
Feather in storm
Stagnant fears
Notes or words
Jotted and spoken
In composed gesture
Mirrored prose
Wishfully intended to please
Sustained longer
In scales of mediocrity
Oh so trivial
The mundane
Respected, trite concerns
Unfurl, belay
Underly
Cause for affecting
Despondent issues, lie seeding (counterfeit)
Savory ideals
Offspring's regret
Disillusioned quanta
Extrinsic beauty
Sought
Resplendent
Duller, the atomic level
Mostly codependent
It's, thoughts we're missing
It's between
Definition
(Subliminal
Producing rhythm
Spawned of proper timing
Tightly unravel
To loss or meaning
Thought provoked gravity
Helplessly
Round off levity)
Digression
Hidden carefully
Etch our gray
With transparent
Disgust
Shape eludes the molten routine
Absence
Form degrades
Faceted decay
Untamed, the wild order (silence)
Style
Sans grace
Scattered silicate
Woven
Crude designs
Hidden, our aquarium of idiom (deflated)
Prescribed therapy
Packaged sanity
Detached shards
Remain of inner reflection
Inhaled through deeper meditation
Small doses of clarity
It's fake
Intellect
Regurgitate
Intricate
Seemingly
Complicated
Progression
Assimilate
Retrograde
Fiction
Based
Faith
Sensual
Reduction
Entropic
Emotional
Neutrality
Chaos
Grounded
Duality
Particle
Wave
Light
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Now, the main reason I clicked on this is because you told me I shouldn't. I've read this over about 3 times and I don't get it =P But for some reason... I really want to. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase explain.
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ok.......
Ok, this is a kinda of strange piece. I got kinda confused in the middle, and at the top.
I like each of the phrases by itself, but together it's not such a poem, but "technically" you did "warn" people not to click here, but they clicked any ways..... I hope that you try to write better.
Well, keep writing,
Annie Shadows -
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See other...
Replies....if still in doubt, bring to my attention hee you need further clarification.
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im new to the whole poetry thing and ive never seen a poem like this before but it got my attention
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This is a great poem, thought I got kinda confused. Unique way of writing!
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this is a little confusing but it was great. Keep up the good work.
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I am not sure what the word in parenthesis add to the piece. There is nothing tying this all together. It reads like a laundry list. What does "Feather in storm" have to do with "Stagnant fears"? Perhaps if you formatted it differently, it would make better sense. As it is, I take nothing away from it but confusion.
Overall, not a poem; not even prose, just a list. -
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As well as...
Need i remind you of what you have written on your author's page "When I give a critique, I try to do so in a manner that will help the writer, not tell them what a worthless thing they have written. That is not critiquing; it is just venting your own frustrations. There is an old adage: if you cannot say ANYTHING good, say nothing at all. I take this very seriously. I have found a few here that I just cannot find anything good about their writing. They will never know it, because I will never tell them."
In fact I don't see anything "nice" in what you said...just a claim that maybe if i formatted it differently (read in your eyes as "correctly") it would make sense.
In fact a see nothing but you trying to vent your own frustrations.
Not a poem (Not a critique), Not even prose (Not even consideration), just a list (Just a good old fashioned "you can't write, and I would know").
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Yes, and I was civil. I could have been crass and said something that was not nice. However, I also believe that it does no good to lie about what I think.
It does not read like a poem; it does not even read like prose. And, it does read like a list; I did not say you cannot write, I said you wrote a list of words and phrases that are not connected. I am sorry if you do not see it that way, but a critique is not your opinion, but rather the reader's. Take it for how it was meant, delete it, or just down rate it if you cannot handle criticism. I really do not care what you do. -
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It's not a question..
Of crass or not, at what point was anything nice said....
So why did you say anything at all?
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A list
Of reasons why you commented as you did
1. You are used to being fed by a spoon some mushy group of words in some format
2. You didn't actually try and understand
3. You were looking for words that only muddle things up more
eg In the parenthesis Is what's between definition and digression, in communication people spend too much time adding quantity instead of quality, more and more nonsense to fit into a form, to be accepted as a whole by society or whatever...point is it's about the Zen concept of being wordless. In order to do what I'm doing now and explain something that is so simple it's seemingly non existent to you or complex beyond your comprehension, I have to then state exactly what i was trying to say in more words than I should need to.
Think of this "poem" "prose" "list" as raw data, say and html page full of divs and tables and such, but no CSS style sheet, it's up to the user to apply their own style sheet instead of having someone draw it out for them.
4. You were already confused about philosophy and life in general
Might I recommend
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6del's_incompleteness_theorem
As well as
http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/ejournals/SPT/v2n3n4/sullins.html
If you are actually interested in what I am attemping to communicate, I will post an appropriate article about this. Otherwise thanks for glancing over the words.
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A list of reasons why you are erroneous:
1. I was an English major in school and definitely know form and grammar. Perhaps you were misinformed.
2. I did try to understand. Without structure, I could not.
3.I was looking for words that would tie this together to make sense of it. Poetry is communication that should use quality in place of quantity to express what is written. You have too many words, and not enough substance. Raw data is essential, but without reference, it is useless.
4. I am afraid that your trying to explain how mathematical theorems pertain to grammar will be as useful as my trying to explain what is wrong with this piece.
Suffice it to say that as things stand now, I cannot understand what you wrote. If you are inclined to try explaining it further, I am inclined to read it. That is up to you. Post me an IM if you do so.
As for glancing, had I done just that, I would not have left a comment. Why waste both our time? If I comment, I did make an effort to understand. -
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Perhaps..
You are missing the point, that I am not about embracing any form of formal grammar.
You were looking for someone to tell you instead of figuring something out.
You fail to realize that grammar and math/logic go hand in hand, per
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chomsky_hierarchy
and many other articles and essays and piece written.
As I do not wish to go into a huge discussion on the subject feel free to take note on the parts about type 0 and type 2 grammars....as these are what i generally adhere to.
Through adoption of the english language and being used in a structure that I can prove fits into a mathematical construct based on axioms borrowed from the english language. However as with any system formal grammar, regular grammar or whatever form you are looking for, they all fall prey to Gödel's incompleteness theorems.
Regardless of what you as an "english major" were taught or chose to ignore, I know for a fact that I am grammatically correct in my statements. They are correct just stripped of what most people would consider "easily human readable", however I wanted the message conveyed in an efficient way, perhaps you would rather I write in lojban or loglan, as those are both acceptable languages, in which I am fluent.
Or perhaps I could refer you to my English professor friends at MSU.
Either way, just because you do not understand something nor are capable of understanding it when explained, does not give you a free ticket to claim someone is "erroneous", when you can back yourself up with little more than illogical contentions such as
you were
"an english major"
and
"I can not understand"
Given those two axioms, how does one enumerate corollaries that I am the one who is wrong? -
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Well obviously, you are right and I am wrong. Perhaps in another life, things will make sense to you; but for now, I will bow out and leave you to your beliefs. This is not worth arguing over.
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It's nice...
How you attempt to bow out in a passive aggressive way, Sarcasm, followed by, my you'll get that you're wrong in another life....one last stab before retreating to leave me, the erroneous non-major, to his foolish ways.
Contention, if it isn't worth defending your point/critique when it is called in to question, then why write it in the first place? If it isn't worth defending, what is it worth? -
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Because arguing is not productive and neither of us will budge. What is the point? I made my point; I see no point in continuing. That is why. To go further is just a slapping contest; aot worth the effort.
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I saw no...
point made. Yet it was worth the effort to make a comment on something by your own rules you should have probably never commented on?
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I have no idea what this is..at the end there, it looks like you just put a bunch of words in a list...
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It's fake
Intellect
(as in your intellect)
And you sit around
Regurgitate(ing)
Intricate
Seemingly
Complicated
Progression(s) (of ideas that aren't your own)
(while you)
Assimilate
(even more)
Retrograde
Fiction (non axiomatic rules of a system)
Based
Faith (which you have concluded to be true anyway)
(to support the continuation of what you call your life)
Sensual (tactile, involving senses, and perceptions of a possibly un-proven reality)
Reduction (taking in only a small portion of everything that what is around you has to offer beause of this)
(this results in an)
Entropic
Emotional(ly)
Neutrality (neutral mind)
Chaos (as such you have grounded or shorted out the spice of "life" what makes all of this more than a simple machine with a deterministic outcome)
Grounded
Duality (now to compare all of this to the duality of a quanta of light, and how regardless of how it is observed as a particle or a wave, whether or not you think you are some unique individual is irrelevant to the fact that you simply just are, you could be a particle you could be a wave, who cares, light is still light, and you simply "just are" in the relevant reality that we are sharing a perception of)
Particle
Wave
Light
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dur
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mn. i like each stanza in itself. and yet they flow very well. odd. but i found myself taking each one and rolling in it. there were a few... mm.. well, you found a few of my favourite words.
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awesome
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