Swimming at the bottom
of mall fountains
trying to find treasure
I scraped up two half
dollars, dulled and dingy
only to be
manhandled by disillusioned
dime a dozen minions
with minimum wage
motivations
Thrown into unfriendly
fire, roaming alleyways
with purpose
Frantically erratic,
reliably mine,
home is where
the junk is
The tension tingles
starting slowly seeping
through alter egos
Drifts through blood
and brain;
renegade endorphins
play haphazard hopscotch
slumped into oblivion
I fall into myself
Finally Nothing
comes and peace
screams
Vibrating glory
as I foam at the
mouth, eyes trying
to look into itself
Nirvana descended,
into a desert of darkness
all the while, unbeknownst
to me
Author notes
I purposely tried not to use too much punctuation, I think it fits well with the overall "feel" of the poem, but if you see some horrible grammatical tragedies that you think would help the poem, let me know.
PW- relating to the word "dope" in contest.
In a list
A contest entry
- Synthetic Nightmares- A group exclusive by GFP Vault.
2700 points, ended January 5, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - because i feel like it.... (options) by VerminVomit.
1300 points, ended November 2, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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what a poignant portrayal of junkiedom and the dope show. such a blatant raw truth. i can almost feel those bruises and that empty yearning of the void. scary stuff.
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its truly outstanding
i am honored just to lay my eyes on this poem -
Very descriptive and well told. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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excellent
Very creative and well done. Congratulations on your silver.
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This is so abstract, yet so concrete in your imagery. I love the first part with the mall water fountains. It's a simplictic thing, but how you described it was alluring. You did a great job throughout the rest of the write as well.
Thanks for sharing & entering my contest A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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crazy wishing fountain digger, such a charmer indeed, but i was charmed the most outta the three.
this is a really beautiful piece. awwww feels good to find your people.
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definitely something for me to come back to once in a while and drool over the imagery here. i constantly wonder how such fantastic poetry can come from people and i so wish i could use your talent.
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good good job dear poet!
JFD ..is such a great dark story teller isn't he.
Always knows how to use the structures to get his
story across, really learn from you that, I must
must practice that more! That final paragraph and
stanza's..love that nirvana descended....in a desert
of darkness, all the while, unbeknownst to me.
perfect!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) renegade endorphins..love it..
that's my chocolate cake!
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actually I'm a SHE haha but I always look forward to your comments...thank you!
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Ther is so much I like about this, but that ending just leaves me wanting more. The format, layout, imagery, and emotion are right on target though. Good luck to you!
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I'm glad it left you wanting more....I wanted it to =)
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