Full of Irish swank.
(Take off that first "s"),
our lips fell together,
human magnets of stupid lust.
Midnight rang out.
We swayed together,
my hands gripping, touching your fleshy waist.
This year was to be my best,
my happiest.
I promised myself that.
No tears fell when you never told me it was pointless.
"I'm going travelling next year"
made me drag myself to that conclusion, when all I wanted
was your life to be cocooned alongside mine.
Two-night flings should never be permanent,
but the memories of this one swarmed for months.
They still do,
just not with that same,
desperate longing.
Author notes
No offense to Irish people, the "swank" comment was not a dig at you. It's just that the guy I'm talking about was both Irish and swanky and that is what I think of when I think of him, hence mentioning. SUGGESTIONS OF HOW TO IMPROVE, PARTICULARLY ON THE ENDING, WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
A contest entry
- The Experience That Changed You by loveyourfate.
900 points, ended December 30, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thanks for your entry. An experience to think on. I like the title, original and in some way comical. Excellent choice of words, providing good imagery.
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I like the ending! Lol. XD
And I like this poem. Sounds like something I would write about some dissapointed affair that never quite reached potential... doom on all of that! I like the swank bit, and the fleshy waist, oo makes me wanna grab people and squeeze lol x x x x -
!
"fleshy waist"
oooo
two night flings
one night stand doubled
i agree darlin
never should a mistake be made permanent
and never shall we forget nor regret it
but learn to ignore the "trash" feeling
"swarmed for months"
i feel you
these words bleed from your abandoned spleen
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i like.
all of it.
no worries.
it's fun, memorable, pretty and cool. -
I wouldn't change the ending, I like it. It is not easy saying good-bye to someone you care about.
We Irish had worse things said to us. LOL
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writing of our true feelings is what we all need to keep in mind when things are said and that it may not always be that of others, nor should we conform to other's view point. good write and thanks for sharing.
Jen -
cool
its cool check out mines "I Love a Woman"
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