Photosynthesis

I am an icicle
clung to your
frost covered gutters

and I melt
as the bright light
intensifies

running from you
'till I suddenly break
and fall swift

grounded

you smile galvanized
as my one final stab
leaves me liquid
in puddles of bliss

and await
photosynthesis

A contest entry

- by hilly. 2724 points, ended April 10, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

By me, right now

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hilly
March 30, 2008

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I liked the imagery in the first three or four stanzas. I didn't care much for the rest, I felt like there was a shift between those two parts and that the imagery fell away somewhere between there. I would almost prefer that the cyclic value of it was given up and that the last two stanzas were just removed. I think it would give it more metaphoric value and people could relate better. Thanks for entering.
raggyann
December 27, 2007
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this is fantastic i like this alot it had great image
Tam
December 16, 2007

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oh dear...
well this is your usual brilliant self...and I am seriously reconsidering posting my entry...LOL!!!
thanks cowboy...just kidding...
this is very well done Tim as only you can pen...this is a perfect example of a poem that does NOT require a pic...your alphabet paint is vivid and perfect...
again!
Blessings! Tammy
ellipsist
December 16, 2007

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incredible imagery... love how you seem to be waiting to be consumed, almost, in order to be made complete - to fulfill your purpose - least that's what I took from it...

very succinct
MagnusPiked
December 16, 2007

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oooh. very clever. i like it. the last line rfeally ties it all together. nice and open as well as mentally and visually stimulating.