Father,
It isn't that you left
My brother and me alone.
It isn't the times you yelled
For no reason.
Father, it isn't when you
Would never come home.
No, Father.
It isn't that you didn't love us,
It isn't that we were abandoned.
It isn't that you want to love us now.
It's because we don't want to love you now,
Father.
It's because you left our mother alone,
Father.
It's because our mother needed you and you weren't there,
Father.
It's because when you yelled, she heard you,
Father.
I say to you,
"no you cannot have my phone number, do not bother"
I say to you,
"my pain is a gaping wound, no Band-aid will help"
I awake with glee that tears are in my eyes,
Father.
I sleep with thoughts of being alone,
Father.
I
Hate
You.
Father.
To and fro,
I hate you
Father.
He is in rehab because of you Father.
He is an alcoholic because of you Father.
I am not in rehab because of you Father.
I am not an alcoholic because of you, I am stronger.
You will pay the time you owed us long ago with money.
Never again will you taste the sweetness of honey.
I
Hate
You.
Father.
Author notes
B. Lucas
A contest entry
- Pre-writes for Sad Writes by Naridill.
300 points, ended December 30, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want emotion! by TwiztidMaggot.
600 points, ended December 20, 2007, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken and Lonely by nuttynettles.
356 points, ended December 21, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ABUSE - looking for poems to be published :) by DramaQueen469.
550 points, ended October 25, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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the poem itself is good but there's just not enough raw emotion in it. I don't think that the word pictures are painted clear enough in my head so the raw emotion just isn't there for me
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I see I read this piece last year... A very pained write penned within these lines. Though its an older song I think of "daddy" by Jewel, my dad was a joke lol - so that song said a lot. Nice write. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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Oh god, this is heartbreaking, and I can absolutely relate.
Let me know what name you would want this published under, cheers.
Thanks for entering!
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
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B. Lucas, dear.
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Wow! So deep! Amazing flow! And I can totally relate, my father was verbally abusive to me also.
I really like this poem! I am speechless! Superb Job!
[ { much repspect to all my fellow writers and readers of AP } ]
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Wow! This is so full of emotion and it is such a powerful write. You conveyed your feelings. I like that you talked about what your father did to other people but how you became stronger- its a powerful contrast. Beautiful work!
WritingFree -
Wow
I can see why this piece has won trophies already. It makes me sad how many of us face the same issues with biological parents but you have communicated your anger well here. Nice job & thanks for entering. Best of luck! -
Wow true emotion and great thought. The whole way you wrote this is different and it's interesting how the father left and the kids hated him because they cared for their mother and not so much themselves. I really liked this poem. Magnificent job!!
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And here is my 1000th comment.
Well done. You're a good guy. I like you. Sorry you had to deal with this.
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Wow I can so relate to this poem!! This is almost exactly what happened with me. I hate him too!
Fav. sentence:
I
Hate
You.
Father.
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I like this. It is blunt and cold, yet full of emotion.
Its not hidden behind anything...Just there! Well done.
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Wow, I can see the point you made about our poems being so similar, from the other point of view. I really enjoyed your write and looking forward to reading more of your stuff. Thanks! Dena
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I have read this several times and yes it is very Dark and sad with so much Pain.
And so full of hate, I hope some day you will get over this and get on with your life.
Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.
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this is so familiar probly because my father left me alone... and i would watch my mom when he would yell the tears that filled her eyes... well this was well written and i enjoyed reading it... i hope that your poem helped you get your feelings out
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I reallylike this. It flows very well and gets the hurt and angry feeling out. I feel very close to this, i feel the same way with my father, only difference is, he's never tried to come back.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you but i'm glad that you are getting through it well. Great write and good luck in the contest -
Great poem. Realy personal and i feel i myself connect with it as well sence my father left my mom when she was pregnant with me. I love the emotion and the way your writing to your father. Great job and good luck in my contest.
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Very stretching. Hurtful and relative. Some parts are repetitive but I feel they are nessecary to express the found anger in emotions.
Very heart wrenching and timing.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck
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I can most definitely relate to this. I've always had troubles with my father, and this almost represents a lot of feelings that I have about him exactly. Be strong, and stay strong.
Thank you for your entry, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
Thanks for your entry. Emotion all the way through. I absolutely loved how you repeated "father." That marvelously done! It gave a sarcastic touch at the beginning and a more dramatic and emotional feeling in the end. The ending was superb and said it all. Although I loved those parts, I think the parts I didn't mention could have been better and imagery could have been better there.
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very good i can really relate to this
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This is an extremely powerful piece. Full of emotion which I identify with in a huge way. However, the repetition of the word father has no real smooth flow. Perhaps that was the intent, I am not sure. Although I must say that the story that it tells is detailed while still remaining simple and raw. Also, I agree that we must let go of our hate to keep it from consuming us as you said in your note. And although I did not particularly like the repetition of word 'father' I particularly enjoyed this bit.
I
Hate
You.
Father.
Here the word is used perfectly. The pause that is uses gives it a very needed bluntness that is well executed. All around it was a marvelous piece and one of the best that I have seen in this contest and site thus far. I am certain that you have a tremendous amount of talent as a writer. I hope that you will continue to grace us all with your thoughts and words.
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In a way I wanted the word to not be smooth, because to me... the word is not smooth. In some ways it's hard to say it... and it doesn't flow off my tongue at all. But it also is repeated so much because it's to remind the reader who I am talking to. Although I doubt it is necessary to repeat it so many times, I felt like that is what I should do. Thank you very much for your input!
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I give you this it real, I have 3 bothers, my father walked out when I was 8 years old, leaving me , my bothers and mum, behind,, it is something that really takes away from you’re life. What is worst for us is dad didn’t just leave mum. He left her for another man. That must have killed her soul. He uses to bet us, and yeah, letter in life try to come back in to our lives 15 years later. He didn’t even know the people he leaved behind and by then we didn’t need a dad, one thing I’m glad is the day I got to look him in the eye, not scared of him, for now I was a man myself, and apart of me wanted to knock him out, thinking I’m not 8 , so try me. But that’s not what I did. I told him what I wanted to say. And that I don’t want him in my life. but I tell you this for you’re sake,, tell it go, forgive you’re father, or it will destroy you’re soul,, you’re better then him. Then walk away… hope you do...
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this is just extremely powerful i loved it alot!! good job and good luck in the contest!!!
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wow i am blown away!!! this is strong and powerful and very well written!!! i loved it!!!
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wow, I really like this!! It's got so much emotion in it. I love how you wrote it out. WOnderful wonderful job! Best of luck in the contests. Thanks for entering! Keep up your wonderful work!
Crimson -
Wow.
I love this.
It's amazing.
And I can say..
I know exactly how you feel.
I say to you father,
"no you cannot have my phone number, do not bother"
I say to you father,
"my pain is a gaping wound, no bandaid will help"
I love that part! -
This is much more angst filled than dark. There are many who will be able to relate to this; but hating him will never get YOU anywhere. Best wishes.!
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Wow this poem is so sad odd thing is my father almost abandoned my mom and lil brother and me but sometimes i i wish he put me in a orphnage because he is such a bastard and all You did really in this poem i can feeel the anger the pain the sadness the lonely but for me i always feel all of those everyday all the time 24/7
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This is a very well written poem. It's sad and brings tears to my eyes because it reminds me of me. I wish i could express my feelings as well as you did. Excellent work.
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Sad poem. I completely relate though, I do. It's a very, very well written poem. At the same time, there were a few things that stood out to me:
1) I think you may have used the word "Father" a few too many times in a row. It would flow well normally but there are just so many of them. Or so I think.
2) I really liked the broken up "I hate you's." You did a great job here Luke. It's a very very well written and very emotional poem. -
"I am not in rehab because of you Father.
I am not an alcoholic because of you, I am stronger.
You will pay the time you owed us long ago with money.
Never again will you taste the sweetness of honey." I love those lines. Outstanding poem, thank you for sharing it.
I'm sorry about being abandoned. I can only imagine the way it would make me feel and it must suck.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. ( = -
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Thank you.
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No problem.
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