The heater in my home is busted.
for some reason it
spits out cold air.
but not everywhere
just in my room.
I know an old saying
that my cousin used to tell me
before he got ran over
by his father.
They never liked each other
anyway
The saying is that
the heart of a man lies
within his most private room
The bedroom,
and no where else.
To
me that seems an ominous hint
My room is sparse
I have a bed
a fitted sheet,
a loose sheet,
a pillow,
and half a candy cane.
Luckily
this saying doesn't aply to the closet.
because that's no better
A pair of slacks,
a pair of boots,
a button down shirt,
a pair of suspenders,
and a raggedy second-hand
trench coat from WWII.
complete
with bullet holes
and blood stains.
the previous owner
of said coat doesn't
appear to be more
lucky than I
at
one time I had a mirror
as well but once I got
into a fight with some
kid I'd met at a party
in this old warehouse,
and
accidentally got thrown
into it,
shattering it
I was pulling shards
out of my ass for weeks.
Truthfully
I never really cared
about the saying.
but my cousin
he did.
so much so that he
would decorate my room for me.
which
was really nice of him.
I probably would have thanked him
but it didn't ever matter.
two months later I would
have pawned it all
off
or broke it.
He would tsk and sweep
the splinters into a corner.
He would ask me to get a job
intead of selling my furniture
what
for? I'd ask.
It doen't matter.
He'd fix my heater,
which I had thrown a chair
at one night in a fight
with some kid.
maybe
it was the same kid who
busted my mirror.
I don't know.
I could probably get
that kid to bring me
some stuff.
like
a blanket or
a hot cup of soup.
but I don't really
feel like it today.
or
I just don't want
to move.
I made a less cold spot
in my sheets
and I don't feel
like losing it.
Author notes
i don't think this one is any better, just different. eh.
A contest entry
- Write Me Pain by Broken Machine.
800 points, ended December 31, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I think this is a lot better than the one you originally entered, but honestly I can't remember the first one cause I read it forever ago. But I do know it's better. Thank you for fixing it. Though it was your poem, you didn't have to change it for me, it's your work, not mine! ( =
-
Okay is this poem supposed to be about being poor? Cause that's what I got out of it, like being poor cause you were cold and couldn't fix your heater. I don't know! I'm kind of blonde.
But thank you for entering and good luck in the contest! -
-
well, my main objective was portraying not carring enough about youself to bother working or trying to secure basic needs.
but this thing is so horrible I failed miserably.
-
-
Hey! Don't put yourself down like that, k? One, I bet that you could fix this poem and portray not caring about yourself in a different way. I don't think that this gave enough imagery to get your point across, ya know?
-
-
-
.... this poem, no offense... is kind of sucky... I'm sorry to say that... I've NEVER read anything liek this... it did make me laugh, the part about you pulling shards out of your ass for weeks... it cracked me up... but yeah... keep trying... ha.
Crimson -
-
eh, no offense taken. it is sucky, I'm kind of embarrased I wrote it. I'm thinking about removing it. I know I can do better.
-
-
I'm glad you're such a good sport there!!!
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
