A white sheet covers our earth,
suffocating life with it's coldness,
reddening our cheeks and noses
like the drunk old man at the station,
his coarse words make us blush.
winter has such a dirty mouth.
It can be a devoted lover,
it hits our faces with cold and wet kisses
making us shiver all over,
the wind is it's cold caress...
Street lamps illuminate the crystals of ice,
each are unique, each have a mind of their own,
they dance in the spotlight,
To the perfect ballet,
their much like little children, so innocent and pure,
chasing each other, slowly drifting away,
the breeze is their merciless shepherd...
It can be a very fierce enemy,
it's icy needles pierce our skin,
the snow embraces us
and the cold takes our breath away...
The winter is so human,
so two-faced,
a delinquent that leaves his
signature on our windows and hearts...
A contest entry
- Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Another entry with some personification, I enjoy reading works with this poetic device- If they are well done. I like that you also used some alliteration and assonance. I'd prefer a little bit more consistency, but overall, I like the poem and the images.
I think this has the potential to be a lot better, but it is kind of choppy and not quite as smooth as it could be.
The one image I still have in my head from this is this line; "winter has such a dirty mouth." Awesome descriptive! I liked it alot.
One final suggestion- I think you could come up with a much more creative title than just plain "winter." Titles often influence my judging/scoring process. Just a hint!
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.)
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