Dawn breaks on a dead night
Cutting through the darkness with light’s sharp blade
Round are my eyes to focus on this shade of red
So full of fear and determination
The cuts deepen each time he flexed that arm
Digging down into his flesh
To tear and rip into a new world
Heartache and disease lay here – dark and humid
I love you carved on to my forehead
To smile through a torture in your dreams
Waving politely as happiness passes once more
Life contained in pain, embodied RAGE
Forgive me I speak of what happens next
For your end comes soon
I shall lay in your limp corpse
Snatch your lucrative chains
Wrap them around my neck
Smile for the end is nigh
Dance in darkness, push your claws into me
Follow me down, shred through barriers
Screaming your name will never get attention
Goodbye my love, you shall never know
Author notes
As I haven't posted in four months I thought I should add something new. This is a piece I wrote about some personal issues I was going through when I wrote it on 11.10.07, and it holds truer now than it even did at the time of writing.
It's a deep, heartfelt and personal piece that is kind of dark... but those already familiar with my work will have come to expect this.
A contest entry
- Don't Mind Me [[I'm Only Dying]] --- Dirty Pretty Contest by EvenStarsBreak--x.
600 points, ended October 26, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Very deep and emotional piece. =] Obviously quite personal too, thank you for sharing. Good luck and thank you for your entry.
x-Pretty-Odd-x <3 -
This is a unique set up.
Although the peom is dark in its nature, the imagery you present makes the poem very crisp.
You have quite the way with words. Very good job. -
I liked the poem and the way you set it up. Ordinarily I go for rhyme, but lately I have been more open to free verse and thie poem pushed me even closer to it. I liked the dark, profound sadness of this poem. It was a wonderful piece. ^.^
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i love dark stuff and more so when it's riget like this poem.
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emotional anarchy. /you shall never know/ resonates for me. I like the shifts in persona, as if battling to see every side of the problem. /I shall lay in your limp corpse/ is a hideous image.
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that was awesome! i usually cant stand a poem without a solid rythm or rhyme scheme, but i love this one. i really like your use of language as well. great job!
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written with an archaic flavour. i like 'lucrative chains' also the change of status throughout the poem is interesting and gives the impression of fulfilled revenge. i like this, hope it's getting out of your system.
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wow. this is pretty awesome :]
keep writing:]
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this is good. very dark--i love it.
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oh dear. this is very dark, very sad. i really feel for you.
but well done regardless. this is a really good write.
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Very dark
Well written, you can feel your pain and anger. It was a good end to say good by to your love.
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