I feel like a raindrop
falling towards the sky,
saluting the wind
with a smile etched in liquid.
The space swallows the time
as the time has no more space to breathe-
fleeting seconds
going up to the ground.
Soon I'll reach there
and even if I fall again,
I will recreate my heights
from dust and stone.
Author notes
The sensation of falling can fit within a couple of seconds yet what's important is not the falling itself but the perspective of its ending: you can always say "I'm not going down now, in fact I'm going up...but towards a different up then yours."
A contest entry
- Duelling Lyres 1 by Keyser Soze.
900 points, ended January 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Sensational
wow this is great. I had to read the first lines to understand (not because its bad, because im slow)i think you have great talent keep up the good work!
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Interesting perspective...a cleverly-written piece...
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Pretty good doll. I think my work is better though
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another amazing one! i think you've quickly become a new favorite of mine
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Great poem very original and extremely powerful diction.Keep it up!
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that was HORRIBLE. it made me want to live a full, long, HAPPY life. I HOPE UR HAPPY!
SUNSHINE!! -
Wow!!!!!!
"with a smile etched in liquid.
The space swallows the time" This is my favorite part
Truely brilliant poem!
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Wish I'd written it...
Oh my God, this was just awesome...
I love the personification you use with space swallowing time, and then integrating yourself in the poem with all the "I's". My favorite lines were probably "saluting the wind/with a smile etched in liquid". Really strong visuals. "from dust and stone" The best way you could have ended it. I loved this.
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'Smile etched in liquid' - lovelovelovelovelovelovelove;
I do wonder, though, what that liquid is
The thought of 'recreating heights' was very profound, well played
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This is certainly a thought provoking piece you have penned here. Intriguing to ponder the relevance of the fall... and how to outsmart the outcome in a sense. Nice write!
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thank you very much for your kind comments!
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ooh loved the ending, really puts a great spin in it. Loved this poem, deep as the droplet oceans.
Well done sista!
Meryy xmas to you
Creatress
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Falling must seem so long to a little rain drop though... ad it was interesting to imagine it smiling ^-^ very nice imagery
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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Oooo I liked this!
This made my brain twist a bit and think. And that is always a sign of a very well crafted poem! Nice job!!! Thanks for this good write... it's going to make me think about things differently even!
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very nice ,interesting perspective, keep up the good work.
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I have to say, your poems never fail to excite me. The description and the words you used to describe these images leaves me speechless..
The space swallows the time
as the time has no more space to breathe-
These lines are divine. And so is the idea of this poem. Very creative and unique. I would have never thought of this and you brought me into a fresh aspect of life.
saluting the wind
with a smile etched in liquid.
Superbly written..
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I love the feel of your first four lines. They give the reader a stunning image.
These lines can do without so many "the's".
"Space swallows time
as time has no more space to breathe-"
It says the same thing but eliminates repetition.
I love "going up to the ground"
A very compelling work here poet. Your poem makes me ponder, and that is always good. The best to you in the Comp.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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This is thoughtful and unique. I love your style.Right the falling itself is not important. Read my Once Again when you can. U will see we think similiar. Bravo!!!
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Wow. This is quite profound. I don't consider it as scary or dark. I got a sense of peace of hope from it.
Good luck in the contest as well!
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This is a scary dark write. Its as though you are being dragged from somewhere, whilst deep in a surreal dream.
Good metaphor and metre.
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Beautifully written and when I read the author notes, it put the poem in a whole new perspective. Brilliant write.
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