What I see in you
no one else has.
There is an underbelly
more powerful than darkness
it burgeons through
like a sea shell
creeping, the edge
of a twisted purple husk
through a haze of white sand.
You take me in doses
threatening warmth to ice
like the melting of a glacier
with a lighter,
slow fire igniting
the core,
and all else fails
in the struggle.
I have never been
so free to write,
so much inertia
at my fingertips
stems from the heavy
beating at my heart
as it thuds against
all reality,
all rationalization
thrown out with the sun
at dusk.
You take me in doses,
I feel the release
of your body press like
a paper weight,
no like a hundred years weather
forcing out song, a decrescendo
but loud and long and lustrous
until it crescendos again
and we finish
in something less than
a sigh.
What I see is
the sky falling
dramatically cloud by
cloud crushing the people
on the street,
clutching their love beats
in a monstrous demise,
without you.
What I see is
a wife beater clutching
muscles and sweat
combining like a symphony
of man.
What I see is a smile
that reaches deeper then
the surface,
like the tip of a sand dollar
rough but certain
trading the smooth shore
for a hardened canvas.
Who can tell how deep we go,
until they pull us out.
In a list
A contest entry
- Serious Poets Please Come In.... by Dalaney.
950 points, ended December 20, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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ohhh wow!
This was amazing! I love your soft tone and lucid descriptions. Perfectly written!
-
It takes true passion to create great poetry, deep longing for obtainment of the gusto of lust's spittle, and the never exhausted embers of imagination.
Alex, you have all of that and more, a throbbing imagination worth a kings treasure, wrestling ransom out of the daily mundane.
I needn't tell you the glittering beauty of this write, it's obvious to all, but what is most interesting to me is that you are capable, even now, of even more spectacular poetry which captivates the souls, hearts and minds of others.
In short, you have a gift that begs to be released,
......sooner, rather than later
look in the mirror, behind your eyes...the capillaries
are bulging for your second birth is near.
allow it to be, allow yourself to be
.......for that is your destiny
Gander
-
Excellent
trading the smooth shore
for a hardened canvas.
Who can tell how deep we go,
until they pull us out.
Many rich words paint this canvas
Very well done for the Gold
Rick
-
threatening warmth to ice
like the melting of a glacier
with a lighter,
slow fire igniting
the core,
and all else fails
in the struggle.
This is beautiful and thoughtful. I imagine it bleeds out your ears a bit.
Been a while since I've had a chance to read your writing. I see you haven't skipped a beat in my absense.
Wonderful. -
What passion! Oh, this is absolutely deserving of gold in my opinion!
*clap* *clap* *clap*
-
All I can say is you are a tallented writer.
I wish you good luck in all your future writings -
thanks for sharing
-
'you take me in doses' is very good... in small amounts like necessary medication
the first line is excellent
i'm a bit confused about the wife beater stanza. it felt out of place. that's probably because i didn't get it
very good poem
-
Excellent Poem Dear It is really amazing I wish you the best of luck in the contest This is an enjoyable read.
-
Oh wow, this was so amazing I really enjoyed this piece. I wish you the best of luck in this contest
-
you have a very unique style of thought.
-
WOW!
Powerfully written, I like the starkness of the content's message. My favorite lines are:
"What I see is
the sky falling
dramatically
cloud by cloud
crushing the people
on the street..."
This poem is very deep, very unique, Lady Poet!! Best of luck to you in this contest!!! Peace & love, Cyn
-
I don't understand this poem altogether but I like it very much. The "doses" part is great. You have many lines I like.
-
"You take me in doses
threatening warmth to ice
like the melting of a glacier
with a lighter,
slow fire igniting
the core,
and all else fails
in the struggle."
Wow,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
This is good.
There is a lot of emotion here,
a whole lot of feeling.
You draw the reader into the piece.
Brilliant.
Oh yeah, I like this.
"Who can tell how deep we go,
until they pull us out."
I don't think anyone would want to pull
you two apart, not if they love good poetry.
-
oh boy...this has got to be
on my TOP TEN list of favorite
poems...You are a treasure.
Love, Lane....sighing long and deep
-
YOu take me in doses...that's was good! OH..my goodness those final stanza's...like the tip of
a sand dollar...who can tell how deep we go, until
they pull us out...
WEll that poem will pull.......excellent job dear
poet! Beautifully written we flowed with all
these poetic devices.
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) bundles of talent in you!
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