Outside it rained and inside we
Undressed and drowned in a lustful sea
She touched my silken lively rose
With fumbling hands and a groping nose
She made me soar into the blue sky
She squeezed my doves and made me cry
And as she kissed my restless thigh
I trembled like a butterfly
And then she said, "You liked it, dear?"
I answered with a grateful tear.
Author notes
My first attempt
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
-
hot but not as much as your others.
-
wow, i really liked this poem. so vivid and erotic. great read, very interesting and lovely. i liked the rhyming and everything.
She made me soar into the blue sky
She squeezed my doves and made me cry
And as she kissed my restless thigh
I trembled like a butterfly
-
Interesting but Disgusting!
-
Something primal about these writes lol!!! sexy in more ways than one for a wandering mind, excellent work my friend.............Z
-
wow that made me think of some sorta movie i saw
-
-
The movie can take a practical shape...in your room or mine...lol
-
-
good really good i like it
-
-
You mightlike some other things too....when we happen to meet together...lol
-
-
Just Lovely.Need I say anything more?
-
-
No, you don't. Yet I do. You're so pretty!
-
-
Stunning flow to this piece. It also has brilliant imagery too. You write with passion.
Well done
Wayne Leon
-
-
I'm thankful...
-
-
beautifully penned
Hello,
I thought I'd pop over and do some reading....
I like the topic here - you have expressed it simply and something we women, who have embraced their Goddesss within, can all relate to. Ooooh yeah, now that was beautiful read!and I love a good sensual read. It's not over the top, but beautifully done in a great and wonderful taste. Just gives me the warms tingles just reading this.
I'm off to read more of you, have have a hunger for some thing sweet to eat!
Take care and many erotic blessings to you.
angel.
-
-
I appreciate your passion and appreciation...
You're such a cute commentator!
...So you have a hunger for something sweet to eat....That makes two of us...and I know what to do...but...hush!..shh!...people are watching and listening...Let's find out a proper place and time...lol
Thank you so much, my love!
Kisses!
Galaxy2
-
-
Awesome
I liked the satisfaction at it's end!
-
-
Thank you dear!
Galaxy2
-
-
Highly sensual;
well done with this. I love girl/girl writes and am off to read more from you.
**Master Ktulu**
-
-
Wish you could be a girl too...lol
Thank you for the comment!
Galaxy2
-
-
Lovely, very sensual and sweet. I have yet to try woman on woman reads. But you are inspiring me.
-
-
When you intend to try a woman/girl, let me know please. I might offer to be the first volunteer.....lol
Nice of you to comment, lovely girl!
-
-
Nice job! subtly erotica but also powerful! mmmm loved it! Had a great flow also nice job!!
-
-
I love you for your nice comment. Huggy!
Galaxy2
-
-
Nicely done!!! Perfect feeling of erotica here..I love the metaphors you have used in this piece as well! Starting to miss my wild girls gone crazy days though
-
-
Feeling nostalgic?
Don't worry, honey, compensation is possible. New friends are available. Be my friend, sweetie! And Thanks a lot 4 your time and your comment.
Galaxy2
-
-
i really like this one too.. i love your word choice... to me it's very unique... and very creative... your words give your writes a sensual feeling and fills the reader with the same emotions that you a trying to convey... great write..
-
-
I tried to recreate the environment. If you liked it, sweetie, I think I have been rewarded enough. Thanks + Love ...
Galaxy2
-
-
This is very well done. I loved it. A nice and easy flow to follow. A very good choice of words as well. Thanks so much for the read and I am going to read the others.
-
-
You're a sweetie. Your encouraging words make me so happy, love!
Galaxy2
-
-
Love It
This is a great piece. I love the rhyming technique and the imagry your words bring out-- very sensual.
-
-
I, unfortunately, lack spiritualism...I only go for sensual appeal. I'm glad you observed it. A kiss for you, my dear!
Galaxy2
-
-
This is very well done!! Erotica at it's best I say!!
Great image and flow... with well chosen words!
-
-
You made me happy, dear, with your nice comment. Thank you so much!
Galaxy2
-
-
Welcome to AllPoetry
For a first attempt this is beautifulyl penned.
Strong metaphoric use of words, great image to tickle the mind and get the blood pumping at the same time
Enjoy ALlPoetry
Stay safe
~Manda
-
Hey there, glad you took my advice. Honestly hun, i think you can do a lot more with this, I think you should go more into the erotic while making the image beautiful. There is an essence of beauty in women that only women have, bring that out as the two women are together. Your title is "first" lesbian night which makes me think of a first experience. Bring that out more, compare the woman to something, make her beautiful, show her to us, describe everything about her, how she looks in your arms, make us see her and fall in love with her. Just some thoughts. I think this is a nice start though.
Warmly,
Amy
-
yirgo_t
i like it your poetry.you are wonderful continue with this writhing skill if you want to contact me write with yirgo_t@yahoo.com.10Q!! -
-
Thank you for the appreciation.
Thank you 4 your time.
Galaxy2
-
-
Excellent attempt! The tone was soft and sweet, very pretty, and it sounded great. It certainly was also an interesting read, and very vivid image-wise. Great job!
-
-
Thank u Sweet Kitten! Beautiful comments! A rose 4 u as a token of love!
Galaxy2
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 39 of 39
