Fire hydrants, wired transits, mild racket, hinges, magnets.
It's malleable, permeable. Light manuevers, telescopic mirages.
Sodium slick, magic tricks, coal burning engines in deep space ranches.
Antlers, benches, architecture in Atlantis.
My body is an ocean with animals and trenches.
My existance is a blur, a lightscape, a fracture.
Rhythmic renditions of heart beats and eye blinks.
Author notes
See Andre Bretons method of poetic automatism
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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One thing that I am noticing with your writes is that I am having to read them over and over and I greatly enjoy that to be honest. The first impression from the poem is one of a deeper thought process than what is shared amongst the "norm" of the north american culture.
The first stanza seems to have it all connecting together in a sort of broader aspect while the second stanza is more of the detailed example of the explaination. Let me see if I can explain that a little better. The first stanza seems to open one's mind for the endless possibilites of the meaning while the second seems to hone in on a specific direction without having to have a certain meaning behind the words, basically open for debate.
The second staza would have to be my favorite. It takes us into the mind of humans on how we have living things in us (thoughts, feelings, etc) but we also have parts of us that many would dare not go. However, you also talk about how our single existance does not seem to be able to impact the whole with enough of a force to be able to make a difference as we are slowly counting down the time that we have here.
I like how there also seems to be an almost unfaltering consistancy in the ability to change the meaning of the poem to the individual reading it. One of the reasons why I like re-reading it so much because there is always something that I hadn't caught on the last time that I read it.
Nice write!
Maggie 
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I see why this is your favorite. Even though I have only read three poems of yours this is my favorite, so far. It's hard to read this in your head and still get the same image as you do when you read it out loud. I would pick out the parts I liked like everyone else does, but that is hard to do when I like the poem as a whole.
I noticed that a majority of your poems are short. Not that there is anything wrong with them being short. I personally like shorter poems, but have you ever considered writing song lyrics? I say this because you like music and you are always talking about it. Writing lyrics wouldn't seem like a bad idea, at least to me.
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i dont think ive ever read a poem like this a nice change of pace. i acually understand this somewhat way more than i do any of bninjas stuff
my fav stanza is the second one especially with the opening line and i also liked the first two lines of the poem they read quite smooth at first glance i thought it would read odd very nice kyle
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I really like the phrase "architecture in Atlantis", it seems to have a very magical quality to it, at least to me. I also really liked the second stanza, the first line really makes me think of each human being being connected to the whole of creation, comparing the human body to an ocean, or to the world at large. And into the second line, you go on about the brevity of our existence, very nicely done! I really enjoyed it!
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woooow
very, very nice! i like! awesome.
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freaking a lot said in 2 verses. intricate and awesome. great job! hark, hark, hark. imaseal.
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I love this one! your freaking amazing!!!! this was extremly beautifly written, and just wow.
amazing write. -
I loved the imagery and alternative use of rhyme!
This was a short and sweet, yet very deep and intelligent. It was very unique and fun to read!
MOstly, I am one of those slant/half/alt rhyme junkies so I LOVED this! Teach me! Hahha
Thanks!
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Well dip my brain in turpentine and call me benjamin's kite string popping! Grow those tentacles, colossal squid, and elevate the mollusk to the ultimate shelf of enzymes! Truly outstanding. I would'nt change one hallucinogenic word of it.
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Above my humble head in the race for obscurity, I fear! I shall have to google "Andre Breton" I suppose - should it be André? And/or Bréton?
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André
Automatism is a method of conducting surrealism. It is the idea of breaching your subconscious when creating art.
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oml!!!! I love this one more then the others, this one was just.. amaizng, pulled you in at the first line, just flawless mate, your young and both a great writer and not an idiot, kudos mate. I love how its some what singular in the beginning.
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not bad at all, you didn't force a premature stroke on me, so there's 5 points
the whole thing had a great beat to it, something you could read aloud, and it didnt drag on too long so it never ran the risk of falling into boredom or mediocrity, quick and sharp, much like my ex wife
when shes stealing my convertible
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the last line sold it
well, this is a piece that commands me to take it slow. its...frantic? the phrase 'overloaded imagery' comes to mind. not that its a bad thing.
might seem small, but your stanza break brings some well placed punctuation to the tempo of the piece.
took me a third or fourth reading to start to like your use of 'fracture.'
and when rhyme is the constant, cut it out if you want to stand out. you accomplish this with the last line, and it feels like an off interval, and leaves the reader with a sense of urgency.
interesting piece. bravo.
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Holy Moley. Imagery is my favorite and I got so much here. You are quite the writer.
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Who knew you would be quite the poet!
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I really love the vivid imagery in your work. Although I think the exact meaning of your words here allude me, I am awash in your original words that paint a wild picture in my minds eye. Nicely done!
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This is a reply to your comment.
I don't believe in exact meaning in my poetry. If you have to assign it a blatant picture of realism think of it as a contemplation or a moment of time.
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This is a great poem
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I was unable to locate anything rancid... very well written indeed... I like the lists, the categorical assignments... I especially like the phrase "architecture in atlantis" & the very final line, as well
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