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Circling

slowly circling
as I speak of this
break in my life
the flock of geese
too weak to fly home

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  • haikumonk silver member
    December 23, 2007
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    Wonderful write. The first two lines bring the reader right in while the middle lines sets it up for the finish. I do agree that switching from "my" to "flock of geese" is slightly awkward in this case but that's just me thinking out loud here.


  • Emerald13
    December 15, 2007

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    to keep the focus tight i would prefer 'a goose' as opposed to the whole flock ..

    lovely line structure ... nice emotional pull ... >>> Gina