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The Island

Bright reds and yellows,
tulips seemed a strange thing
in an international airport.
Couldn't buy them -
customs waiting in New York.
Wanted them anyway;
to assuage compulsive worry,
pacing and watch-checking
and that heavy feeling
of a lack of air in the chest.
Watched ladies playing cards
and stared out the windows;
Fog made the airport an island
and me, I was stranded.

A contest entry

Suggestions and critical comments are welcome.

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • MilichichiBass
    February 8, 2008

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    AS said I too can imagine the scene of the poem. very beautifully written and I just wanted to say this piece is fantastic, a truly great poem of our day.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    December 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    like mary said.. the scene is well set... well done
    and many thanks for entering..

    Gill.x


  • Cat gold member
    December 17, 2007

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    I like the idea of tulips at the airport that you can't buy and the details of the ladies playing cards is priceless-
    since this is such a narrative piece i would love to see it as a less stacatto piece with a few more filler words to pull it together..
    but that said..
    i could picture the scene and enjoyed the piece

    m

    • SnowLion
      December 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you first off. LOL, it makes me laugh: when I write descriptive heavier stuff I'm told I need to make it more light and when I choppier poetry I'm told I need to write more to pull it together. I can't seem to get the balance quite right. Ah well, practice, eh? I'll continue to see what I can do to make this piece stronger and draw the reader in more.


  • freespirit51
    December 14, 2007

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    Many airort horror stories I have heard. I have taken many airplanes to many destinations and luckily I have not had any trouble. I fel the distress and confusion in your words as I read them. Great imagery...Good luck in the contest.

    • SnowLion
      December 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. Our flight was delayed six hours due to fog and we ended up missing our connecting flight but all worked out well in the end.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the detail in this. I can envision the scene.
    Of your final four lines, I think only one is necessary.
    Three tell, only one shows.

    would suggest something like: "Bought a magazine as the fog rolled in." That shows that your flight will be delayed

    • SnowLion
      December 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I'll definitely look at it and rework it. It felt a little off but I wasn't sure why, so I'm glad you said something.

1 - 8 of 8