Apricot once again
Pointing out typos
Stained menu laminae
Build and rebuild
This new-old house
We haven't been here
In years-
A contest entry
- Hit me with your best shot by De-Throned.
450 points, ended February 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different by One Angry Monkey.
600 points, ended March 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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well its certainly different. but its so abstract that i can't work out why you've chosen the words you have. any chance of an explination?
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oh wait i said menu in the poem... *blushes*
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Eh... Don't really understand it myself to be honest
When I write, the words just flow, like I'm not in control.
My Doctor calls it Schizophrenia- but what does he know
It's set in a restaurant though. The laminae is meant to be a menu.
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it was a good poem. Abstract i might add
. Great Concept behind it. Good luck in this contest.
De-Throne -
Wow. Very abstract... It seems like a cunning observation, actually... great job!
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I adore this. How abstract it is, and the way it was executed, as if you stepped back and left the reader with the option to interpret it him or herself.
At the very core, this says to me a sense of abandonment and what was once purity is now failure. To me, the house represents not only the abandonment with lines 6 and 7 "We haven't been here/In years-" but also the purity that is now failure, as it's a new-old house, pristine and impeccably ornamented because its new but at the same time a failure because it's old and abandoned--you (plural) haven't been there in years. Also, the whole theme of the purity that is now failure is shown (to me) in lines 1-3, with the apricot (fruits are so pure and untouched, yet so delicate and easily bruisable) that points out typos: the failures.
And of course, the title, "Grease", as if the purity has been discarded and stripped, now nothing left but mere oil.
Excellent piece (I may be off in my interpretations, but hey, to each his or her own, eh?
) And I will definately bookmark this one.
-Meg
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