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Sustain the Astral Plane

Fabricated horizons, hollographic visions.
I see you're dead behind those smiles, while i remain absoloute.
Or was it the other way around?
Stretch imagination and step through the other side.
Alive alive!
Euphoria surrounds, enfolds.
Soon to break, vaccum of denial which i did not care to acknowledge.
Cracks leak cacophonies,
and i claw at the inside of my own mind.
Screaming release
From my synthetic nightmare.

A contest entry

I tried guys, i tried.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • adsaige
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like it...but i don't. not to be mean, but it's definitely one of those pieces to grow on me. i mean i have tastes that can clearly be questioned, regardless of me attempts to come off as sane.

    good luck in the contest!


    • Nuage
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I don't mind if you don't like it! You're entitled to your opinion after all.
      (And taste is all subjective don't forget)


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    December 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good good job dear poet!

    oh..I adore..how you pulled us in right away and just
    capture us! Good job! I really enjoyed this poem,
    it had a good wicked flow to it. You pulled us into
    the emotional state and conflict of it.
    good good job!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen : ))
    we're all learning and wrestling with structures,
    just find one that works easily for you. I don't
    mind this structure at all, it lets the words do
    the work!


  • GFP Vault
    December 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You went a very different route than I think I would have gone. I like it though. I'm not thrilled with the layout, but the imagery is fantastic.


    • Nuage
      December 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you!
      Yes i suppose the layout if a bit lacking, it's something i never really give thought to.


  • Emonessia
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i hope you win ! you definately should, well thats what i think . write some more i love reading them xXx

1 - 7 of 7