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tuneless

he always said a woman
playing a saxophone was sexy,

and could she learn the technique?

 

she caresses her own ribs now;

black and white keys to
an allegro that slows to largo,
forms flute-lips and hums
to the words only she can recall

she dreams of a tune

that only she can hear;

a different tune in another key;

orchestrating a dimminuendo

of her own because

she never wanted to play for him...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Rowan gold member
    January 20, 2008

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    How did I miss this one... stunning, and I see you won silver, now I have to go see gold, because this was
    absolutely brilliant.


  • ellipsist
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    beautifully executed... I love the soft language combined with the musical terms...

    lovely effect!

    love the end!


  • Namita
    December 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply



  • naked roots
    December 15, 2007
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    excellent


  • Zayra Yves
    December 15, 2007

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    definitely a winner....

    saxophone....white keys...ribs....dimminuendo....

    excellent word choices all in one poem


  • ca ne fait rien
    December 14, 2007

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    I am not musical and the vocab is maybe lost on me, but the underlying message certainly wasn't, and the technical terms showed how a reader does not have to understand every word to like a poem or understand the meaning, to enjoy the 'music' of the words. Super- well done on the trophy Elaine.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ohh gosh... this has such eloquence and i can see why it got the silver

    the rich poignancy of her and her words... this is pulling on my sensitivities and making me want to hear more

    bloody marvelous luv


  • sheltered
    December 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well orchestrated metaphor.
    "saxophone was sexy"
    Great vocabulary.
    Congrats.


  • tara wilson gold member
    December 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    perfect..love the ending..


  • transcendental baby gold member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A woman should only play for herself ... she knows the tune she wants to hear


  • Nicolette gold member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poetry, Elaine and I love the musical terms here - they add so much depth to it... especially the largo. And the last line is so very powerful...

    ~ Nicolette

  • Suzanne Dia
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    The last line in this is killer. I love that you got the music vocabulary into this. I've always wanted to write a poem using it, but i simply don't understand it well enough to use it effectively. You do, apparently.





  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

1 - 13 of 13