tuneless

he always said a woman
playing a saxophone was sexy,

and could she learn the technique?

she caresses her own ribs now;

black and white keys to
an allegro that slows to largo,
forms flute-lips and hums
to the words only she can recall

she dreams of a tune

that only she can hear;

a different tune in another key;

orchestrating a dimminuendo

of her own because

she never wanted to play for him...

A contest entry

Play: 90 Minute Contest by Viola Rex. 300 points, ended December 14, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

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Adding your comment:
Rowan
January 20, 2008

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How did I miss this one... stunning, and I see you won silver, now I have to go see gold, because this was
absolutely brilliant.
ellipsist
December 21, 2007

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beautifully executed... I love the soft language combined with the musical terms...

lovely effect!

love the end!
Namita
December 16, 2007
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naked roots
December 15, 2007
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excellent
Zayra Yves
December 15, 2007

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definitely a winner....

saxophone....white keys...ribs....dimminuendo....

excellent word choices all in one poem
ca ne fait rien
December 14, 2007

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I am not musical and the vocab is maybe lost on me, but the underlying message certainly wasn't, and the technical terms showed how a reader does not have to understand every word to like a poem or understand the meaning, to enjoy the 'music' of the words. Super- well done on the trophy Elaine.
NurseChilly
December 14, 2007

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ohh gosh... this has such eloquence and i can see why it got the silver

the rich poignancy of her and her words... this is pulling on my sensitivities and making me want to hear more

bloody marvelous luv
sheltered
December 14, 2007
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Well orchestrated metaphor.
"saxophone was sexy"
Great vocabulary.
Congrats.
tara wilson
December 14, 2007
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perfect..love the ending..
transcendental baby
December 14, 2007

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A woman should only play for herself ... she knows the tune she wants to hear
Nicolette
December 14, 2007

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Beautiful poetry, Elaine and I love the musical terms here - they add so much depth to it... especially the largo. And the last line is so very powerful...

~ Nicolette
Suzanne Dia
December 14, 2007

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The last line in this is killer. I love that you got the music vocabulary into this. I've always wanted to write a poem using it, but i simply don't understand it well enough to use it effectively. You do, apparently.
Melissa Gayle
December 14, 2007
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