I would have given you the world if I could
Moved every mountain
Roped - in the moon
Made it shine just that much brighter
Just for you
And only you
I would have done anything
And I did everything I could
Always being there for you
Loving you
Respecting you
But you never saw me through
You saw me as a friend
A good friend
One to give you everything
Anything you wanted
You asked
And it was granted
You never looked at me
The way I did you
You saw me as just "that girl"
But you were "that girl's" whole world
Her reason to keep on going
When there seemed to be no hope at all
And now I'm looking at our pictures
Reminiscent on old memories
Slowly taking a deep breath
Closing my eyes
I've finally come to decide
No more can I do this
I can't look back anymore
The sight of you is far too painful
Baby I loved you with all my heart
My soul
My everything
You were my heaven sent angel
But it's finally time I let you go
Set you free
Free from my thoughts
My heart
My everything
This is whats best for me
Author notes
Option #5
Infinitechaos07
A contest entry
- + I'll Never Stop Loving You + by ThatONEweirdChick.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me your more. [Eyes] contest. by hks.
300 points, ended February 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options, prewrites, and Points, the best!! by Nellas.
600 points, ended February 12, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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One thing I have noticed about you as a writer is you tend to make longer stanzas a lot. Now its okay if you like, just remember sometimes you just need to make two lines a whole, or it just makes it seem too long to concentrate.
I can’t see a need to have a – in the third line but it starts out really nice. Try to stay away from the cliché lines and find that emotion that’s struggling to be released, trust me you’re imagination will go wild.
For some reason I can’t out my finger on when you say “respecting you” it seems awkward. It doesn’t fit in your ex-lover poem but more like a servant poem. Try using a different word.
“You saw me as a friend”… I think you should take out this paragraph altogether. It doesn’t go with the poem at all. You could get away with deleting this one and going on to the next one starting with “You never looked at me”
I REALLY like these lines “You saw me as just "that girl"
But you were "that girl's" whole world” The ending of the stanza doesn’t do the lines justice, they just sound like a one liner now, which is nice, but not great.
I think instead of “Closing my eyes” you should say “as I close my eyes” it makes with your first line more. I also think the ending line: “No more can I do this” Should be revised. Something like “I can’t take this anymore”. Simple sentences can make wonders in the right places.
"I can't look back anymore"
You should try to revise this stanza, it seems too overplayed. Try to keep the feeling of realizing he’s gone and your hurt, but try to make this a special paragraph and if you reread it and sounds similar, revise it again.
"But it's finally time I let you go"
I also don’t like the next stanza. It seems your running out of creative ways to say something and you’re just repeating yourself. If you can’t fix a stanza, then chuck it, it can hurt your poem. -
part of this poem i feel you
with my bestfriend sometimes i feel like this..i would do anything for him type but he only sees me as a friend but after a while i don't mind...i still keep him because he does care for me and doesn't take me for granted...he does things for me as well soooo he's not so bad ..he's nice lol...but i still am hurt that he doesn't like me like that after all i would move mountains for him if i could like your poem said lol..the ending where u let the person go is super sad lol super super sad lol..anyway keep writing this is a smooth piece!
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I thinked I may have lived this out once or twice. It tends to hurt so bad sometimes and I could just feel the grief roll off of this. Good luck in the contest!
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Wow! This is relly beautiful. It makes me feel like I am that girl, nice insight thanx.
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Thanks for your comment!
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hmmm..this one was truly challanging!I confess that the thing which caught my eye was the title!and moreso you've got some pretty thoughtful word-combinations in here!well done indeed!
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I wish I could get to the point at the end of this poem. So much emotion in this one... I'd point out a fave stanza but they were all pretty good.
"You saw me as just "that girl"
But you were "that girl's" whole world"
I really liked that line tho! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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