Oliver Twist was Dickens' social commentary about living conditions amongst the workhouses and lower class of Victorian Britain. It was basically about child abuse and you must agree that the rat-like Fagin in his subterranean lair was more like a ginger pimp than the rogue with a heart that the film had us believe!
New research shows that the 'boys' of the workhouses were aged anything from birth to twenty-one, probably, and I would like to point out that this version is about the boys as adults, boys who more than likely left the workhouses and led a life of crime AND prostitution, not just picking pockets.
What follows is crude, rude and disgusting in places. It seems there are some people who read my work simply to ticket it and get it deleted. I am warning you here, there IS bad language and the overall story isn't nice. If bad language does offend you I suggest you fuck off now and don't be a cunt by complaining.
I have only used a selection of songs because Edna is tighter than the original Fagin's arsehole and not offering many points, were she more generous I would have put more effort into it.
----------Oliver Twisted----------
Sex glorious sex!
It’s what we’re masturbating for
We have been since the age of four
We look at all the girls and drool
Every day we say our prayer
Since we grew our pubic hair
Why are our hormones so cruel?
There’s not a girl, not a tart can we find
Who will show us her tits or vagina
But there’s nothing from stopping us getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine...her
Boobs glorious boobs
Our sausages go hard
Gets us in the mood
‘Til we shoot our custard
Keep tugging our saveloys
Our sheets will be wet soon
Young gentlemen having fun
Masturbation
Sex glorious sex
We’re anxious to try it
Blow jobs will suffice
If meat is on the diet
Just picture a dirty ho
Spit roasted and screwed
Get screwed!
We’re in the mood
We’re being rude
So lewd!
Sex glorious sex!
What is there more tempting?
Gulped, swallowed or chewed –
Much better than wanking!
What is it we wank about?
What brings on a sigh?
Shaved peaches we cream and shout
We’re six inches high!
Vag glorious vag
Eat right through the menu
Tease her ‘til she melts
With two inches and then you
Slam it while it’s nice and tight
Talk to her so rude
Then screw
Once again screw
Fabulous screw
Glorious screw!
Girls glorious girls
Don’t care what they look like
Undress and be crude
Don’t care what they fuck like
Just think of her dripping twat
And give her tits a good squeezing
One moment of knowing that
Full up feeling!
Sex glorious sex
What we wouldn’t give for
Three minutes of fun
It’s all that we can live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but toss
Oh sex
We’re at a loss
We’re at a loss
We’re at a loss
Let’s toss!
Oliver!
Mr Fumble: For what you are about to receive (zip) may the Lord make you truly thankful...
Boys (kneeling): Amen
Mr Fumble: Aaaaaah
Oliver: Please sir, I want some more
Mr Fumble: More?
Widow Horny: Hold him
Mr Fumble: Scold him
Widow Horny: Spank him
Oliver: (Throwing voice) Wank him!
Mr Fumble: WAIT! Before we set the lad to task... I may know a man who’ll put him on the game
Widow Horny: Oliver, Oliver never before has a boy wanted more
Mr Fumble: Oliver, Oliver must be because your mum was such a whore
Both: There’s a big dark black man I know who’s a pimp who may purchase you, he will dress you up and sell you on streets and will widen your avenue.
Mr Fumble: What will he do when his bum’s black and blue?
Widow Horny: He will curse the day somebody named him OL I VER!
Boy for sale
Mr Fumble: One boy
Boy for sale
His mum was cheap
Gave head for seven guineas
Never spat it out
One boy
Rather pale
From lack of sleep
Complete with rubber gag
Stop him from shouting out
I could not say he isn’t very randy
I would not he’s always playing with his tail
Horny boy
Boy for sale
Come take a peep
Have you ever seen as nice
A boy for sale?
Where is lube?
Where is lube?
So dick fits nicely in my tube
Is it underneath the pillow here?
That I’ve been biting on?
Wide is he
I close my eyes so I can’t see
Selling bum is not the best I know
But it is meant for me
Hard sausage these men like to hide
They screw me deep they screw me wide
‘Til I am behind the person who
I can bugger their bum too
Where,
Where is lube?
Consider Yourself
Dodgy: Consider yourself well blown
Consider yourself buggered and sucked by me
Your penis is wide and long
I’m queer; we’re going to get along
Consider yourself well in
Consider yourself deep in my sphincter
There isn’t much left to spare
Who cares? Just ram whatever you can in there!
If it should chance to be
We should see
Some bigger dicks
Thick and heavy pricks
Why grouse?
Always a chance for meat
Somebody our ass to fill
We will bring them to our house!
Consider our ‘meat in’ fate
We don’t want to shag no bush
For after some consideration, we can state
Consider yourself
Queer like us!
Dodgy: Consider yourself
Oliver: Well blown?
Dodgy: Consider yourself
Oliver: Buggered and sucked by me?
Dodgy: My penis is wide and long
Oliver: We’re queer; we’re going to get along
Dodgy: Consider yourself well in
Oliver: Consider yourself deep in my sphincter
Dodgy: There isn’t much left to spare
Oliver: Who cares? Just ram whatever you can in there!
Dodgy: Nobody minds us being lah de lah or camp you see
We have answered the gay call
But it’s handy to be handy with a rollin’ pin
When your asshole begs for more!
Both: Consider yourself
Gay mate
We don’t want to shag no bush
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself
Gay like us!
Suck a hard dick or two
Faggin: In this life, bum sex counts
From behind, anal mounts
I’m afraid these may taste of cheese
But you have to suck a hard dick or two
You’ve got to suck a hard dick or two
Boys: Even if they taste of cheese
You got to suck a hard dick or two
Faggin: Why do we sell our cracks?
Grinding them against ball sacks
Better get our cracks drenched in come
Better fuck a hard dick or two
Boys: Why do we all sell our cracks?
Better get a dick in or two
Faggin: Robin Hood, liked to suck
Fucked for free, what a schmuck
Charging is fine 10% is mine
Get out and suck a hard dick or two
Get out and suck a hard dick or two
Boys: Robin Hood misunderstood
He should have made a fast buck or two
Faggin: Dirty old gent passing by
Your sweet ass takes his eye
Everything’s clear, lube up your rear!
He’s gonna slip his wrinkly in you
He’s gonna slip his wrinkly in you...
He’s gonna slip his wrinkly in you
Boys: Have no fear lube up your rear
He’s gonna slip his wrinkly in you
Faggin: When you see someone rich
Sell yourself like a bitch
Get ready to bump and grind
You’ve got to fuck a hard dick or two, boys
Faggin and Boys: You have to fuck a hard dick or two!
I'd do anything
Dodgy: I’d do anything, to you dear, anything and you can do anything to me
I know that I’d take anything for your cash anything, for your cash just you wait and see
Big Nancy: Would you suck my dick?
Dodgy: Anything
Big Nancy: Even though it’s thick?
Dodgy: Anything
Big Nancy: If it tastes like shit?
Dodgy: Anything
Big Nancy: On my hand you’d sit?
Dodgy: What fisticuffs?
I’d take anything
In my ring anything
Yes I’d take anything!
Big Nancy: Anything?
Dodgy: In my ring for you!
Big Nancy: My cock tastes likes poo
Dodgy: And your ring
Big Nancy: Will you play with my
Dodgy: Dingaling
Big Nancy: Will you really do
Dodgy: Anything
Big Nancy: Make my bum hole sting?
Dodgy: You bet I will
Big Nancy: You’d do anything, for my cash, anything?
Dodgy: I’d do anything
Big Nancy: Anything?
Dodgy: Anything, let’s screw!
Gold trophy winner
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