The morning sun kisses my chest
Only minutes left of life
With dawn comes the beginning of my end
And the end of all my strife
Burden of this world
Trampled soil underneath
Will soon become myself
Become one with those beneath
The end of all my hopes
Once promised in her teeth...
Blue eyes pierce my skin
The night I walked alone
She took from me away
Eclipsing my tombstone
The trail of the scent
The thrill of the hunt
Was ended in a second
Dead, my mortal front
A precious little gift
This feeling so jugular...
A contest entry
- PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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hmmm.... the only thing that I didn't like was this was a bit too much resembling suicide... unless I missed somewhere that you knew that someone was gonna kill you and that is why you knew that you were gonna die....
Besides that though I did like the emotion that you protray in the piece.... and this was very dark... which was what I wanted...
thank you for your entry and good luck
~Lumin -
aww.. you have a soft dark side to you.. I likeded this.. it 'tis good, you write very well.. i agree with what Hex Goblinweb said.. this poem is simple yet complicated and conveys an array of emotions and thoughts.. kudos to you for an awesome writing..
----<@
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this is such a wonderful piece.
it is simple in all its complexity.
meaning there are no huge words or complicated emotions, it's all very real.
Blessed be...
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