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Confused

show me love
show me hate
show me need
show me grief
let me know
what’s to gain
either greed
or belief
is there hope
in the eyes
of the hurt
unrelieved
can we learn
from the tears
of those who
fight the need
only once
never twice
can we set
pain aside
to look out
and not in
not enjoyed
left behind
early hope
darkened world
that we’ve all
thrown away
lost in need
lost in trust
held in tears
lost in lust

Author notes

much luv~
kitty

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • still.she.waits gold member
    December 14, 2007

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    I like this a lot, it seems more like lyrics to me than a poem though. I love how you did not put any punctuation, but at the same time i dont like how short everything is. i think you could combine two lines to make one stronger image. i love that these thoughts and feelings came from one so young. a lot of people think profoundness has to come from someone with a lot of "life experience".
    great write.
    -M.O.e

  • Natelystious
    December 14, 2007

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    I liked this poem a lot and liked the format you wrote it in. The message is a good one and every line had three syllables in it which made it flow very nicely. While the poem seems to have a very dark outlook on the world sadly at times it is true. I hope you continue writing and sharing your work with us all.


  • XxXAmazed MeXxX
    December 14, 2007

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    Great write, I love the way that the words all flow together. The thought put into this write is awesome. Keep up the wonderful penning
    Brit Brit

  • Ljmyers
    December 14, 2007

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    Wow

    This is amazing! you put very strong images across in so few words a talent which not many can do with such affect! This is very powerful. my favorite line has to be: - "can we put pain aside, to look out" wow, this is such a good use of questioning, can we put our feelings aside to see others? its god makes you think, because it is not always possible to do so.
    Keep the pen flowing!
    LJMYERS


  • Metaphorist
    December 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Pretty profound thoughts especially for a 15 year old.

    Sometimes, the lack of punctuation can be very effective, but I think in instances when there is a sense of confusion in the tone of the poem, the addition of, at the very least, periods and question marks would add to the piece. The periods would add a choppy effect and the question marks- a questioning element obviously. Right now, it seems too stream-of-consciousness and considering the depth of these musings, I doubt this was meant that way.

    Enough of my ramblings on punctuation, I enjoyed the piece very much. The ending sounds incomplete, but maybe that works better. Thanks for sharing.

1 - 5 of 5