A mused thought set out from all the rest
With one small breath, taking a slight step
Ambition to feel real again and see like the fast.
To taste an apple,
and watch vanishing grey become vibrant again...
No more than a shadow, a blur,
the prickling sensation on your neck…
Nothing but the hint of flustering papers is what I have become.
Adolescent remembrance to this life I once led
A spirit descended from it’s quick
Now slipping away faster
The breeze wisping my transparency away
Lost inside the floor boards
An unfamiliar place with feelings
Pangs of a stabbing ice disturbingly run through my hollow veins
There is nothing to hold onto in this place called fatality
Until you came around,
The knight who saved me from this muddy grave
Reaching for your hand through this solid ground on which you stood
Was no more than reaching through water to me
Tightly grasping now
In moments I could be standing, if you may, right beside you
But I’m stranded on the floundering ship of my own floating coffin
This muddy sea, now up to my hips
I made a wish that the heavens would justify
A remark that would unbind me from this torturous place
“Please let me have him” I hope the angels would see
How I could become more than a whisper
I would give an undertaking plea
To be more than a slant of light
Holding on with all my might
You pulled me out as you began to move away
I flew higher than heaven could ever see
Thanking God, the angles heard me.
I will be forever the life full shadow next to you
No matter you still cant see me,
As long as you feel the warmth in you heart
You will know it’s not just a feeling
It’s my love that will haunt you forever
Always,
Like a good dream…
A contest entry
- Pre-write party. by Naridill.
300 points, ended January 13, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tomorrow, The Sun Will Rise by Cyclical.
450 points, ended January 15, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Shiver by IFeedFromHisKiss.
942 points, ended January 31, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ghost Writes by BabyBun.
380 points, ended August 18, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great entry - thanks and best of luck.
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With your excellent use of imagery, you convey such a wonderful romance in this poem. Very impressive!
Thanks for entering! -
I little lengthy. The end really feels dull compared to the rest and the flow would work very more intense with some chopping here and there.
Thanks for entering.
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speechless
This is.... *struggles to find a word* BEAUTIFUL.
"and watch vanishing gray become vibrant again" is one among many favorite lines here. Your flow and descriptions are haunting- I can honestly imagine a voice reading this poem out.
Amazing job on this!
~Cordelia
ps, did you know the title of your poem happens to be the title of one of my favorite books? It's the reason why I clicked on this at first glance.
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Thank you, im very happy you like it. Actually i was inspired to write this because of that book. It is one of my favorites too :-)
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This gave me chills!
It's soo eerie and ghostly! *shivers*. I like how you made it seem like there is hope for the invisible at the end of this poem. As long as someone knows you're there, that's all that matters.
Note: i don't think you intended to write "You drug me out" in line 32! -
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thanks a bunch im glad you enjoyed it no i didnt intend to write that but i changed it, hopefully it helped.
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