energy of strong white arm
introduces white mass
in brilliant oven.
squatted down, self-moving creatures,
feel respirations, burning
like fiery lap.
in brioche unctuous.
Author notes
~spiritualangel~
Picture prompt & Blizzards
A contest entry
- blizzard- 3 hours by Cat.
500 points, ended December 14, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
i like the first line of this-
the front carrying the blizzard - an effective image-
where you lose me is the oven- although i completely appreciate the oven/ cave feel of standing inside a blizzard.. and i get where you went with that..
it is when you carry that image into burning, fiery images that i think you displace your images..
what i do like is the effort put into this piece and the voice of the poet.. i like that very much..
definitely made me stop and take notice and have to think through what i thought about it..
m -
"brilliant oven"- with the buildup to that line, i just love that imagery. nice work.
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