Infected and affected by
your words, I
jam them into my wide mouth.
I would suck at your whispering brain
and lick your soft fingertips
for residual rhymes,
or a little lingering stardust.
Alas, empty skulls gather
and still,
I am not sated.
Author notes
I was reading earlier and the writer described being infected by everything he read and cannibalizing it into his own writing. That inspired this.
A contest entry
- Anything and everything by mesmerize me.
330 points, ended December 27, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions and critical comments are welcome.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
This is very good, but also very short and not very indepth, I am torn between placing it in the finalist or leaving it for later reading after I recieve more entries. Although it was short and lacking in the descripitve department, it was a very good one. I rarely am torn between placing something or leaving it as is. You have stumped me, good job, you have done the impossible.
But you have a very good chance, great job, and thank you for entering my contest.
-
-
Well, I can tell you what I'm hoping for. LOL.
Regardless I'm having fun and I want to rework the poem when I can think what needs to be added or detracted. Have fun judging your contest when the time ends.
-
-
I like this metaphor. Very strong. Infected and affected don't seem to be the right verbs for this metaphor. Maybe "hungry for" or a verb associated with hunger or appetite? Maybe "Drawn by the aroma of your words..."?
-
-
Thank you for reading this (and my other poem critically. I really, really appreciate that. I'll take this one back to the drawing board as well and work on it too.
-
-
I read the poem and enjoyed the flow. Then I read your notes and realized this is a pure work of art. The judge wanted to be mesmerized and I think you nailed it. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
This is awessome my friend. The concept is ingenious!!!!
-
-
Thank you.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
