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A haunted past...

These wall should be rubber in the room that I sit.

All the pretty pieces in my head they just don’t fit

An answer is what im trying to find

If I look back to the past will you press rewind

Can’t remember a time when my eyes weren’t with tears

The reflection in the mirror shows pain from the previous years

My eyes became hollow and my heart bow stone

Shivering and shaking im all alone

Even though The scar has faded upon the wrist

that girl has risen and before me she sits

She’s weak and shes damaged a bloody mess

She puts a blade in my hand and my strength to the test

And another night goes by where she feeds on my fear

Making me weak her thoughts become mine and I can’t think clear

I know she has to die to make the pain go away

But when she goes I know I can’t stay

I know in my hand that blade holds my fate

So I’m torn between weakness fear and an unknown gate

A selfish act is what they’ll say

But how selfish of them to make me stay

Author notes

what its like to have a mental illness

A contest entry

I LOVE THOUGHTS GOOD OR BAD. Please tell me if there is spelling errors or grammer problems...don't change them yourself...thanks!

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Comments


  • AutumnsFlame
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    uhhh.... wow... this was... emo. hmmm.... Kinda cliche for my taste... yeah. It was pretty cliche. That's just my opinion though. So don't feel bad, just keep writing! You should put in more description and watch your sylabols because some lines had too many, and some lines had too few... And by description, I mean something like instead of saying "blood is running down my arm" you could say something along the lines of "vermillion liquid is draining out of my skin" or something like that... it's more descriptive and it sounds better. Thank you for entering my contest!


  • opaqueangel
    December 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    What option is this? put in authors notes 24hr warning!


  • harlequin shadow
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is fantastic

    If I look back to the past will you press rewind

    is my favorite line even though it's not the main point of this though
    the rhymes are delightful
    the flow is shaky in parts but, mostly good
    the only thing i see is

    The reflection in the mirror shows pain from the previous years

    you can drop the second "the"


  • Desired-Lucidity
    December 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Bearing my soul