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Wednesday Afternoon

I went from the land of flowers
to the land of weeds

all from the hands
of a lonely tease

it started like a dream
controlled by a seducer

on a Wednesday afternoon
she held me closer

I left and hit a point in life
where I felt like a man

Was she a succubus of the night
or just a lonely girl

Now I'm tokin' up
and thinking it was a dream

Strolling on
the Devil's Playground.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

  • sera08
    January 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    woah. this is good.

    cliche. of my choice of words to describe this. but really. its good.


  • jocelynclaire
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoy your use of juxtaposition; the vibrant Wednesday with your lady next to "the Devil's Playground", good effect. I somehow feel the ending of this poem is... incomplete. It feels as if the narrator will continue "strolling" forever... which, if intended, is yet another well created effect. Otherwise, you might play with the last stanza a bit??