There she is,
more lovelier than I imagined
she need not rush to me,
afraid I am barely able to stand
my lord what did I do to be rewarded this
beautiful creature who now stands near
she somehow managed...
to put my nervous heart at ease
places a delicate kiss upon my lips...,
she said she would,the moment she was close enough...
Oh my stars... die now I could...
because it feels as though I'm viewing an angel
sent from the heavens in the sky above.........
I reach for her hand...
a bit more confident than before
then gently I push aside her hair
what exquiste eyes she has..., I'm lost...
she looks into my soul
I quickly lose control I need to taste her lips...,
So kiss her deeply I do...
pull her closer our embrace releases
A kinetic energy into the atmosphere...my world spins I'm flying high delirious from the love injection I've been given
and finally I feel alive!
Author notes
not sure if this qualifies as such but I tried to do freewrite just to change it up a bit
A contest entry
- 3 options by CharlotteRose.
450 points, ended February 17, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
lease tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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more lovelier than I imagined
This line should either be written "more lovely," or "lovelier." No need of a double superlative. (I believe that's what it's called. Other than that (and the excessive ellipsisses), this was nicely written and I definitely felt the emotion I believe you tried to portray. Thx for entering.
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I really liked this, other than
...... after some of the lines, I thought this was penned well 
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Thanks!
l.o.l.! Yeah I got you I did that purely for effect. But I'm still working on a bit of the technical aspects to little by little "clean" up my writes. again thanks for the kind words
and I'm glad u liked my piece. I will be visiting u soon.
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Oh, this is so romantic, I love it! I like at the end how you say "finnaly I feel alive" simply beautiful. Good luck in the contest!
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THANKS!
I really appreciate your kind words.
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i like this joint. it sounds so sweet...lol. at first i almost thought this was about the little one...until i came to the "kiss on the lips"....lol nice piece just the same.
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Thanks!
glad you enjoyed it.
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I see you changed up on me once again! I really like this freewrite. I would love a first meeting like this! best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you!
yes change up I did; sometimes it's nice to show versatility! l.o.l.! thanks for all your support my brother!
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Hey you, I love this, the free write is a nice change, you seem to let it flow nicely. Just one suggestion, maybe the layout? I think if you tried like a left align and shortened the line lenght it would give out more emotion because you could pause on some words to really stress them, like this
"There she is,
more lovelier than I
imagined
she need not rush to me,
afraid,
Just a suggestion, I think when you leave those words alone in a line they are really getting stressed as they are paused. Anyway, I am saying this only because I LOVE this piece. Hope you dont mind me trying to help
"my world spins,
I'm flying high delirious from the
love injection I've been given
and finally I feel
alive! "
I think If this was formated a bit different, it would leave more of an impact, see how "Alive" is more stressed alone? I know this is just my opinion and I am not always right I just love the ending, its deep and powerful, and if you dont change a thing, then I love it just as much Good luck in the contest hun-you can delete this big comment if you want
-Layne
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Thanks!
Don't mind comment/suggestion at all ,u my friend, besides I really only left it like that, because my pc is slow l.o.l.! figured change later...Thanks for the support homegirl! -
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I see the update, now that gives this piece much more justice, this is great, I really hope you win this, it caused a little tug in my heart strings
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Wow Swan, another wonderful love poem from your heart..this is so heartfelt sweetheart..you really did good job with this free write..best of luck in the contest
Amarige
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Thank u!
just thought to try something different! love the support!
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