the centrefold ad
in the middle of the magazine
painted so brightly,
caught my eye
it looked as if it had a solid product
one that i could use for my life
so i turned to my friends
asking them if it really did work
they all said it’d be the best
of any good i’d ever used
so for reassurance,
i got a sample
[it’s hard to trust allies
who are con artists]
& oh, the sample worked
so well,
it made my head
spin
to see it was really that useful
& just for extra help
in my quest to see if it worked-
out perfectly
i asked many professionals,
all saying it’d work faultless
on me,
individually.
it was then that i wanted more
unfortunately it didn’t come
at a cheap price
i had to save my money
taking it out of accounts
that i was going to use
for different things
like
going to the movies
or university
or other produce
i needed
after all my hard work
i finally got it
to find i was left
with a sour taste in my mouth
& a ringing in my ears
[not to mention the double vision]
how could i could put so much faith
in what i saw in the magazine
there was so many other pages
of the same thing
but i had to go
& find
the false advertisement
Author notes
All metaphorical. My heart is in this one. Simply for me. No huge critiques please.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Fiesta! - For my Favourites - by Never Fall in Love.
1250 points, ended March 13, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FIESTA [part 2] by Never Fall in Love.
1259 points, ended March 14, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
-
wow
I don't think I appreciated as much during the first read as I did in the second read. The metaphor was simply stunning. You have this fantastic mind that thinks up of very weird things ... but that's just brilliant!
& oh, the sample worked
so well,
The sample ALWAYS works. Man, how will I choose from these poems?!
Never ♥
-
this makes me think of something...
...
...
oh well, but very nicely done! and it was creative the way you made the curves.
wish i could write like you.
i like the way you think.
-
no huge critiques???? gosh, ryan... so i'm just gonna have to say nice poem? i don't THINK SO!
this one with its metaphorical layers was wonderful... reading it from the surface was grest enough, taking your words in a literal way. but NO... you have layers of meaning. i liked the sway of the words too... it lends itself perfectly! ok.. see??? that wasn't THAT long.
-
Wowza
Blow me away and call me darling this is a mighty wicked poem and I was drawn in from start to finish., I also liked how you structured your poem here and I can see that you really did a wonderful job with this poem. I just really enjoy how you let oyourself go and place your every breing into a poem like this. I really donno what to say other than Lmao because it sucks when we get drawn to a product from the magazines then when we try it for realz we are disappointed and realize we have spent alot of money on a wasted product. Its as if they built a hous eof cardsfor us when we first try the product then when we buy their product they blow it down upon us. any ways a fantastic well penned clever poem and keep it up bro
Sincerely, Paul
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