exhaling metal scraps
onto your awaiting lips
i want you to hate me
i want you to crush me
i want you
i want you to
crush my bones to dust
beneath your
loving
gaze
(oh please, oh please)
bind my heart with wire
brace my jaw as well
entangled in the sounds
(wiry sounds of your screams)
in the dead of night
(star, light)
the dead of the night
(star, bright)
whispers
secrets
cry, baby, cry
i'm old enough to know better
extinguish me
beneath the
weight of impending sorrow.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Metaphors, repition, form, confusion...amazing use of so many different elements! Exquisite, awe-inspiring poem from start to finish. I feel this poem, I see this poem, I love this poem. Great job!
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Well done!
It flows well, and the style of it is very nice. I like how abstract it is, and the creative punctuation you use. Very dramatic, indeed. Good luck in your contest!
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um...if you're going to use other artists' words, you need to put them in quotes or state where they came from.
otherwise, it's plagerism.
"cry, baby, cry, you're old enough to know better" is from a Beatles' song of the same name... -
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Even if you wanted to point something to this effect out, you didn't have to be quite so rude. Like Journey said, poets make references all the time. You needn't nitpick me.
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Hmm.
Poets make outside references all the time, and personally.. Even if it is a Beatles song.. It's a common expression anyway. It's like asking the Beatles to give credit to the person who first said "you're old enough to know better." Don't nitpick so much.
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Wow, this is amazing! I love the pushing and pulling feeling you give with this poem, like you want the person to stay and go at the same time, and either option hurts you. Very well done!!
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ah. you got me. i will read anything under a title with bones and dust in it! and i was not disappointed. creative and original, just the way i like 'em.
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