Standing on the shores of life's vast ocean
Looking at water as smooth as my skin,
I cannot help but contemplate again
Of the mem'ries I hold deeply within.
I reminisce of years that have long passed
To times where tides were indeed very calm,
When I had first tried to raise my ship's mast
And built my ship under shade of the palm.
I would always think of how I was raised;
The life on the land, things I cherish.
I'd watch the calm sea and be quite amazed -
Not seeing that tranquil sea would perish.
I remember when the waters got rough
And my ship's build was put to the test.
I was tossed about; the storm had proved tough,
But my foundation was made by the best.
My ship survived, but I was exhausted
When I quietly coasted to its eye.
I reflected on the hard road ahead,
Never quite sure whether I'd live or die.
I saw obstacles, creating a fence
of large jagged rocks, blocking every safe place.
All that I had was experience,
The values I've known, and God's saving grace.
The red light of the sunset caught my eye
And I realized the break was almost done.
Sorrow took my heart; I tried not to cry
As I thought of when my father said, "Son:
Your journey ahead - the hardest you'll do -
Will test every truth and value you've learned;
When the going gets rough, know I'm with you;
You deserve the love and respect you've earned."
And then, reality shook me awake -
The storm was back, relentless as can be;
Lightning crashed, with thunder in its wake.
I knew I was lost...I lost to the sea...
When I came to, I awoke on this beach,
Overlooking a quite familiar bay
As I approached a ship just beyond reach...
There, on the side, shone my gold-painted name!
As I stand here now, I read over the note
That I found that day, pinned to the ship's mast:
"I hope that one day you'll look at this boat
And see love is as the ocean is vast."
I wipe away tears and put it away,
Locking the memory in my mind's tome.
One last time, I look at the water's sway,
Then I walk back to the place I call home.
Author notes
by: Flare the Arcphoenix (!)
Grand Theft Autumn (!) <- important!
Option 13: "Life is like the sea..."
A contest entry
- Bring It All by Simply Simple.
1800 points, ended February 26, 2008, 120 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your best work composed over the last twelve months by Lute.
600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TURN A SILVER INTO GOLD CONTEST by Swan song.
600 points, ended April 25, 2008, 27 entries
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20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
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900 points, ended January 19, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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LOVED this paragraph:
"My ship survived, but I was exhausted
When I quietly coasted to its eye.
I reflected on the hard road ahead,
Never quite sure whether I'd live or die."
that was just ... so inspiring, and wonderfully worded!
thank you for entering
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Amazing story! One of the best rhyming poems I've read in a long time. Very impressive how you managed to continue the metaphor throughout. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
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Thank you! I figured, since you like metaphors as much as I do, you'd appreciate it. ^_^ Glad you enjoyed.
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Incredible write. The imagery, the metaphors, the rhyme... so lovely.
A couple places that caught my attention:
Line 5: should be "passed" instead of "past"Line 15: "the storm was proved tough" just doesn't feel right to me... I might try "the storm had proved tough" or "the storm was proven tough"... maybe?
Otherwise, this was just... ohhh... there really aren't words for it. The ending was so beautiful, so profound.... this poem is timeless.
I think it will be regarded in the future as one of the great writes of the 21st century. I think we'll see this n literature books. :)
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^.^
Glad you like it - I'll get to fixing it! Thanks! =)
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Very well done a lovely rhyme and flow
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awsome imagry... you are right... probably shouldnt hold my breath while reading this... its really good though. if i had teh strength, i would have done it. awsome poem all in all.
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i like the first stanzas...you've done a really good job on this one. i liked the imagery! best of luck n your conest!
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s s s s s s s s ss
Standing on the shores of life's vast ocean - (10)
s s s s s s s s s
Looking at water as smooth as my skin, - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
I cannot help but contemplate again - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
Of the mem'ries I hold deeply within. - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
I reminisce of years that have long past - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
To times where tides were indeed very calm, - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
When I had first tried to raise my ship's mast - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
And built my ship under shade of the palm. - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
I would always think of how I was raised; - (10)
s s s s s s s s s
The life on the land, things I cherish. - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s s
I'd watch the calm sea and be quite amazed - - (11)
s s s s s s s s s
Not seeing that tranquil sea would perish. - (9)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s
I remember when the waters got rough - (8)
s s s s s s s s s
And my ship's build was put to the test. - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
I was tossed about; the storm was proved tough, - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
But my foundation was made by the best. - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
My ship survived, but I was exhausted - (10)
s s ss s s s s s s
When I quietly coasted to its eye. - (10)
s s s s s s s s ss
I reflected on the hard road ahead, - (10)
s s s s s s s s s
Never quite sure whether I'd live or die. - (9)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s
I saw obstacles, creating a fence - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s s s
of large jagged rocks, blocking every safe place. - (12)
s s s s s s s s
All that I had was experience, - (8)
s s ss s s s s s s s s
The values I've known, and God's saving grace. - (12)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s
The red light of the sunset caught my eye - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
And I realized the break was almost done. - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
Sorrow took my heart; I tried not to cry - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
As I thought of when my father said, "Son: - (10)
- (0)
s s s ss s s s s s
Your journey ahead - the hardest you'll do - - (10)
s s s s s s s ss s s s s
Will test every truth and value you've learned; - (13)
s s s s s s s s s
When the going gets rough, know I'm with you; - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s s s
You deserve the love and respect you've earned." - (12)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s
And then, reality shook me awake - - (9)
s s s s s s s s s
The storm was back, relentless as can be; - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
Lightning crashed, with thunder in its wake. - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
I knew I was lost...I lost to the sea... - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
When I came to, I awoke on this beach, - (10)
s s s s s s s s s
Overlooking a quite familiar bay - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
As I approached a ship just beyond reach... - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
There, on the side, shone my gold-painted name! - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
As I stand here now, I read over the note - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s s
That I found that day, pinned to the ship's mast: - (11)
s s s s s s s s s s
"I hope that one day you'll look at this boat - (10)
s s s s s s ss s s
And see love is as the ocean is vast." - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
I wipe away tears and put it away, - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
Locking the memory in my mind's tome. - (10)
s s s s s s s s s
One last time, I look at the water's sway, - (9)
s s s s s s s s s s
Then I walk back to the place I call home. - (10)
It has an
xbbbbcdcddyefeegcgccyhyhhhyhfyyfyyyyyhyycyychh
pattern
content-7.4
vocabulary-10.6
accuracy-7.7
creativity-7.6
theme-7.4
originality-7.3
totals-48 -
I really like it. The extended metaphor through the whole poem was awesome. It was meaningful and well written. The two best qualities for a poem to have. Great job and best of luck.
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Nice metaphor's, this played along like well written short story. I lIke it.
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uhhhhh *is speechless* well lets gets this comment posted
This poems was really thoughtfull describing life in the form of the sea which is absouloutly great what an idea, life can be like the sea in soo many ways rough and gently or peacefull but full of rage keep it up Flare
May i ask where do you get such inspiration to write this amazing piece?
you have talent I think you in time should publish your work it exceeds any writes of the millionair poets
Love it
Ruxia~
P.s tell me if my comments bore you lol
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This is really Really Great, WOW What and excellent write
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Wow! That is a great poem! It is so beautiful! You did a really good job. I enjoyed it. I like the background on this. Great job, keep writing!
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