Ah, the bittersweet song of a dark bird
the richness of loam in all the senses.
The smell, I tell you, the smell!
I’ve drifted through the poppy sea,
the scent of many fragrant petals
a wonderful sensation as it burns the nose.
I’ve run through poppy doors
to enter upon her smoky room.
I miss the tendrils curling
in the heated air
neither good nor evil not neutral, no
but something altogether different
I’ve fallen through floating sensation,
feeling nothing more than little forks
stabbing my arms and eyes. I felt
languorous in their attentions.
I’ve tasted sweet scratch-paper
and smoky,
an aphrodisiac quality
to what tastes like blue.
How else can I escape?
Author notes
A revised version of The Opium Den, which I posted here earlier. Also for my poetry class.
Please give a critical critique
Comments
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I definitely like this Opium Den a lot better. I still feel like there could be more concrete details to really bring the poem to life. Things like making the door a red poppy door, the tiny black seeds that make the sea, and the smoke that burns the hairs in the nose. How does the paper feel, is it strong like leaves, or as delicate as tissue. Reeally wrap the reader in it.
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beautiful portrayal of emotion.
reading this, i felt as if i was the one feeling this.
i can relate to this.
ive been trapped inside a body whos soul fed off drugs.
drugs are overpowering,
and being high is a blessed feeling.
Blessed be...
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Thank you so much for the comment!
I'm really happy with how this turned out, compared to how it was before.
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