The rat-bride, in her silv'ry gown,
Births sorrow in her castle bare
The walls, which once held joy and pride,
Are empty; now, there's none in there.
Her gown still gracef'lly hangs on her
Her hair still shines when sun alights
But sadness on her face is clear
Her heart no longer has delights
Her dress was fine ten years ago
And well-fed cats chased out the mice
But young men often go to war
And girls' young hearts are oft' the price.
Hearts stray for lesser things than men
But either way, long gone is Gwen.
Author notes
like a sonnet but with 8 syllables, and an extra "verse".
Numero dix-huit (18)
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b150/bgcala717/VF8.jpg
Est-ce que ca te dit?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow, this is an awesomw piece of work!!
"But young men often go to war
And girls' young hearts are oft' the price."
This makes the whole poem, I think.
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Nice work!
This was great. Your rhyming was great, and it didn't seem forced, and it flowed smoothly. My favorite part was the couplet; it brought the whole poem together wonderfully, just as sonnets ought to be written.
I didn't get a chance to see the picture that inspired the poem. It could maybe give me more insight into the poem itself, but I still think it's a wonderful piece.
Oh yeah...did you follow any meter, or are the lines just 8 syllables long? I've never had much of an ear to write metered poetry.
And should the "He" in line 8 be "His"?
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It should be "her"...thanks for pointing it out.
It is iambic, but instead of iambic pentameter I guess it's iambic quadameter. That just means the syllables are in pairs: unstressed, stressed, in four pairs per line instead of five.
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I find it strange that anyone should be a rat bride but what a wonderful inspiration for a poem and your poem does the picture justice. A fine piece, well done and good luck in the contest. Val
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lovely and creative! poor gwen
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Not bad at all... I love sonnets and you used this piece for a fantastic description of a beautiful painting. Though it is not one of my favorites of hers, you brought it to life fabulously! Well done and good luck.
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How Sweet
and sad at the same time... I feel for the rat! Best of luck in the contest!
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