Every time you speak it sends me into a trance
And my body is no longer under my control
Because you have a grasp on my soul
Controling me with a few simple words "...sleep..sleep my darling"
As you say those over worn words I can feel a calm run through my veins
I can barely feel the pressure of your fangs
Breaking the only exposed skin of my being
Slowly taking my life away
After a few short moments I begin to regain feeling
A feeling which can only be fear masked by pleasure
As your hands caress my body
Which cause tiny electric shocks that attack my scantily beating heart
Your body imperceptibly over takes mine as we begin our dance
Carefully allowing your self safe passage into my ever wanting soul
Making sure that you do not go to far
For it may take my life away
My head continues reeling from the sound of your voice
Your voice which floods my head
With too many thoughts which cause panic
For your intention is perfectly clear
You intend for me to join you in your everlasting embrace
Expect me to join your unbeating heart
Forever without delay
But you would have to take my life away
After all your careful planning
And all your consideration for my humanity
You have finally found the truth in my words
Which I said so long ago
For when we first met you stole my heart
And for that I told you
I could only be with you if I become what you hate
Which would require my life to be taken away
So now after ensuring my life with you
I can feel your fangs go deeper into my skin
Taking my precious blood away
And as fate proclaimed I will live in a place of life and love
Full of tranquility forever with you
Author notes
Near the middle of this poem i started thinking about Bella and Edward from the "Twilight Series" by Stephenie Meyer and i got inspiration from it...please give me some insight on how i can fix it!
37 lines!
A contest entry
- Of Genius and Lunacy, Of Life and Love by The Sage.
1000 points, ended December 17, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - + I'll Never Stop Loving You + by ThatONEweirdChick.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking to be impressed... by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended August 1, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love is more than a four letter word! by Unstoppable.
600 points, ended December 27, 2007, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse by JessTheMess.
330 points, ended March 10, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight~NewMoon~Eclipse by lostangel07.
390 points, ended May 17, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did plz.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
The whole thing makes me think of Edward when he is with Bella at night, especially after her birthday when she is hurt and he soothes her. This is a great piece
Thankyou
-
this poem should be submitted into her next book breaking dawn because its awesome!
-
thanks for entering but I am looking for something to touch me and this did not I do like the whole fantasy part of it good luck.
-
-
Thank you anyway!
-
-
OMFG!!! you know they're making a movie right?!!? i'm so excited for it! anywho! great poem and i wish you good luck in my twin's contest.
~Dommi -
-
Yes i know they are making a movie, but the guy they picked to play Edward isn't very desirable. But thank you very much for the comment!
-
-
You did fine. It's always good to throw a twist on things so normal . gets the reads attetion. Got mine anyways. I like your flow and the depth. Great detail. And as I say you did fine don't worry
-
-
Thank you very much!
-
-
I like it... Nice bit of Vampire love mixed up with Erotica is always fine by me...
All the best,
~T.S~
-
-
Thank you very much!
-
-
I am not certain I have suggestions... given a choice, this is not my typical preference for reading material... I am not big on erotic poems or poems about vampires... it seems well written enough, just not of the genre that I am accustomed to... no idea who Edward and Bella are...
-
-
Thank you for your imput.
-
-
Whoa, that's the first time a poem I already read was entered into my contest. I previously said my feelings on this =]. Nice poem and thanks for enterng.
-
-
Lol thank you again anyway, i figured i'd give it a chance.
-
-
Wow this is really great very enjoyable to read It has some great imagery in it I don't read too many vampire rights but this is really good.
-
-
Thank you very much, it means a lot that it was enjoyable.
-
-
This poem is absolutely amazing. You did a fantastic job with it and there is nothing about this poem that I would change. It's perfect as it is. Awesome job my poetic friend.
-
-
thank you very much! It means a lot that it turned out well.
-
-
Hm... haven't read too many vampire poems. Nice spin to what I expected. Refrain is good, some good rhymes in there. Just a good overall poem. =]
-
-
Thank you very much!
-
-
Very good
The imagery in this is good. A good vampire piece to get the juices flowing is always welcome. Well done.
Wayne Leon.
-
-
Thank you very much!
-
-
It's Intention, not Intension. Trance not trans. ^.^ I like it very much--Vampire poems are always good. It has very good imagery too. Keep up the good work!
-
-
Thank you very much for the spelling errors i missed. You know i will!
-
-
I liked it very much, good write.
-
-
Thank you very much, i personally thought i could have done better, but thank you again!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
