She plays her violin at night,
With slowly fading candle light.
Playing in the family cemetery,
Not knowing she should be wary.
"Music soothes a tormented soul,"
But not the tormentor, the ghoul.
The tormentor was behind her right shoulder,
If only someone would have told her.
The tormented and tormentors are different,
A tormentor, to torment, is hell-bent.
The next day they found only her violin,
The tormentor had snatched a soul, again
Author notes
Option #2
A contest entry
- Supernatural by DeathuponTyne.
550 points, ended September 22, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this was freakin awesome good luck in the contest!!!!!!
~Betrayals
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This is good, though I find the rhyme is a bit forced, especially the pairing of "ghoul" and "soul" doesn''t really go, and some of the other lines seem to rhyme but are kind of awkward. Still, it made finalists list, so you should be proud. I like the first verse the best. You should consider reworking this, though, to make it even better. There is some good stuff here, but it could use a little editing.
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fantastic! Gr8 imagery. I love it. Finalists it is!
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Have i told you, that you are a great poet, with so much potential. I wish i would have known you before but i just joined this site not to long ago. I really enjoy reading your poetry. I also like how you told the story without losing track of what it was about, because people have a tendency to do that with semi-long poems, but you did it perfectly. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you
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Excellent choice. I like the way you used subtle rhyming it really works for this painting you chose. Anything else would have not really fit... I did enjoy this... one thing though... I didn't think it was necessary to overuse the word torment. Maybe a thesaurus is needed?
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Wow! This poem is extremely deep and vivid with imagery. You did an excellent job with this. I found this poem rather astounding. Keep up the excellent work and best wishes to you in the contest.
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