Bite the lip that calls to you.
Feel the lust burning through.
Taste the blood that makes it real.
Swallow thrice to seal the deal.
Forget the woes, the petty lies.
Relish the sparkling of our eyes.
Embrace the feeling of being whole.
Let your mind wander from control.
Say goodbye but not for long.
I'll return where I belong.
Dreams are ending far too soon.
But from you I shall never be immune.
Author notes
Option 6 ... I wish I was able to psot the picture as it is most beautiful. *tear* but theres one entry down.
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b150/bgcala717/VF6.jpg
- link to the picture it was written for.
Unfortunatly I can't think of a name at the moment but any suggestions?
(ok. i know it says it a prewrite but it was written for this contest. i'm just having a massive blond day...)
A contest entry
- 103rd Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended December 13, 2007, 1 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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LOVE IT
i love it
its perfect
ily
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Amazing as always, darling :]
The only thing I can think to say that's even slightly critical is the last line.
Up until the very last line you have perfect flow. Though you could have been going for broken-ness at the end of the piece, it may flow better as "From you I shant immune."
But it's great as is...obviously, it took silver :]
♥shinE*
&here's anothergood example of him and i playing off each other's muse
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3589060 -
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Yeah. I always have trouble with teh last lines. Always.. can never get them right... But I'll think on it. thanks for the suggestion.. I'm listening to Shakira. I really dont know why but i really like this song. lmao.
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Passion plus
me thinks the girl is in love , a warm loving heart cracked and what flowed out was the essence of romance , Im calling ya dad to lock the doors xx -
This is a beautiful piece Claire-Anee. I enjoyed it immensely. There was passion and heartfelt emotions in it. The last two lines said it all (well deserving of the gold, never mind the silver).
You really are a talented writer, and I enjoy reading your works.
Keep it up
*Gives dial up a shot of nitrous, just for fun*
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Excellent
I really love the way you posted this poem sis and I absolutely love how well this poerm flows and the wording just flows as well. what really impressed me the most was the over all unique depth and qualuity all round to this poem. anyw ays this is just an ingenius and well penned poem and just loved reading it over and over again. any ways keep up the good work and Good Luck
Bro
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its a beautiful poem babe
i love it
good luck
i love you baby
♥♥♥♥
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Good job, nice to know other writers like to rhyme.
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And I luffers the pic too!!
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"Let your mind wander out of control."
I would go "Let your mind wander from control" for flow issues.
And me likey all over. Really beautiful baby. I'd call it like... Immune? Maybe. Idk. I love you.
And hey, go you for the start. You caught my attention. And that's a massive thing considering the blinding pain in my side I started having about 10 minutes ago. I'll pay you to kick me in the gut. For real. I love you.
Oh yeah. Normal. And I do believe I'm now rambling.
"And I can't believe, you actually picked me" - Blue October: Calling you. LOL so good. Sorry. I'll shoosh.
GOOD LUCKLES IN THE CONTEST MY PRETTIEST ONE
♥♥
Bandy!
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This was great! You should really try having a little more faith in yourself... this took the picture and told a beautiful story... I do think that it could have more imagery but other than that... the rhyming and the passion is all amazing. Thank you for entering. Good luck.
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I absolutely loved this poem. You did an amazing job with this beautiful piece. God bless you friend and I'm not sure what contest this is in because it doesn't show but best wishes to you in it. I just thougth I'd tell you so. I hope you have a very wonderful Christmas this year. Keep up the wonderful work.
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Lol. Opps.. thanks. It should come up now. I had a blond moment and forgot to enter it in.. Umm yeah.. *blushes*
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