He walked through my door dressed in a suit and flashed me a sheepish smile.
His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting and my knees began to shake.
As he sauntered past me my breathing slowed.
I could not utter a word.
From that first moment I knew.
My heart was in his hands.
We all rushed quickly to dinner.
So we could said them on their way.
I tangled my foot with his.
The whole meal he flirted back.
I stared at him with flooding emotions.
As he spoke with a lullaby tone.
His lips moved so slowly to me.
All I could do was admire.
As we all headed to the car, I walked by his side.
In hopes he might hold my hand.
As we travlled to they hall.
I laid my head in his lap.
When we arrived he stroked me gently.
He climed out of the car winked and waved.
I knew then he was my end.
Author notes
I'm not so sure I like this write but the feelings could not be written any other way for me. I don't know tell me wut you think.
A contest entry
- 3 options by CharlotteRose.
450 points, ended February 17, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what did you take away from this poem?
Comments
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I like the last line, almost dark, but definitely forshadowing, which I think is a really good skill to incorporate in your writing. thx for entering!
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I really liked it personally, though there were a few typos thats about it! I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.
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I want to know what happens!!! =) Simply Beautiful!
"His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting and my knees began to shake." Good luck in the contest!
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This has a warm and touching feel to it that makes the reader want more of the gentle story. Some attention to typo problems would improve...suite should read suit, "so we could said them on their way..." is not English, travled should read travelled.
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