Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Immortalizing Thoughts

poetry

 

 

 

a martyr of senses...
running
from reason
for the sake
of the soul

forever dreaming...
for the love
of a woman
that one will
never know

a capable whisper...
soothing
an unquiet mind
a deliverance
to safety
all through
an intricate rhyme

an utterance to passion...
immortalizing
thoughts of a fool
swimming the seas
of romance
taken by waves
of the irrational

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Everwind Rising
    December 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully expressed.


  • Dalaney gold member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is excellent writing.
    I really got into it and
    the last stanza is a perfect
    tie up. Bravo, Angel

    Lane


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    December 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    In a word: nice. Well done my poetic friend.


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    This is really a very beautiful! It is ALL good but I really liked these lines:
    a capable whisper...
    soothing
    an unquiet mind
    a deliverance
    to safety
    all through
    an intricate rhyme

    Good work poet! ***Pam***


  • Kappa Pyua
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the form looked strange but suprisingly it flowed very well, I enjoyed this poem, and the way it rhymed seemed very natural, not even intentional. The meaning of this poem is very forth coming as well a passion that spills of the page.


  • Pain Equals Life
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the flow of this poem, it's amazing. it explains what poetry is vividly, even to those who may not feel the same way. I love it, good luck in the contest! <3


  • Whoochi gold member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh how true and it has certainly helped my insane thought processes...the last thing I ever thought wouldbe doing is wrtiing poetry...hell i was awful in English classes...but poetry is the therapy for my soul and all the good friends I have met along the way...love that last stanza, what an alliteration there...great job...explains fluidly what poetry is to me and am sure to many many others..well deserved shiney thing i see for this......Best of Luck


  • adora
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Poetry is my way of immortalising those fleeting thoughts and flirty emotions brushing against the edge of my mind every once in a while and then floating away like butterlies. How sad it would be not to possess the ability to write poetry.

    Lovely write!


  • sassylilpoet silver member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    An ellipsis is a set of 3 dots used to represent ommitted words or thoughts within a sentence. If words or thoughts are ommitted at the end of a sentence the period should follow the ellipsis, seperated by a space. [... .] The ellipses can be used effectively for the above write to enhance the title itself, Immortalizing Thoughts. Yet, I think you've mis-used and overused them.

    poetry is...
    a martyr of senses
    running
    from reason
    for the sake
    of the soul...

    forever dreaming...
    for the love
    of a woman
    that one will
    never know

    a capable whisper...
    soothing
    an unquiet mind
    a deliverance
    to safety

    Proper useage of the ellipsis would enhance these beautiful Immortalizing Thoughts, as for the comma (all, through), it is out of place also. Why would you want to represent a pause there? This is a nice write that will strongly stand on its own without so many dots

    Good Luck and God Bless,
    Sincerely,
    Sassy



  • Solo Wisp gold member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've always like the use of "...." They work rather well for this poem. I'd lose the only comma in the poem for appearance's sake as it serves as a distraction to me.

    Use or lose..

    -Min-


  • FransB gold member
    December 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is good in wording, style and symbolic meaning. Good luck. Frans

1 - 12 of 12