What is that precious essence
perfectly spilled
from wells of poetry’s endless offering
upon the page that thirsts
and filling every cup that needs?
It is memory of a thousand almost touches
wisped as softest, titled hand to cheek
and sweeping gust of bustling
that whips through tops
of heart's rustling branches
in metered song
It is gentle wafting--
tingling flesh and kindling fire
to burn, not as ghastly flame,
but as laughter, untangling,
from within a smoldering pyre
of verse
It is the bless-ed gale--
blowing sails of message
toward a distant, virgin shore
allowing lone and purposed vessel
to meet the fortressed heights of stone.
And as those swirling curls of inked existence
exhale as misty white
against the listless black of night’s chill hollow-
It is evidence
that the Breath of God
still whispers through the soul.
Author notes
Prompt and source of my title:
"Keepsake" by Everwind Rising
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3694476
In a list
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- On Poetry • next in list
A contest entry
- Poetry Is... by Everwind Rising.
1800 points, ended December 22, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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a masterpiece of wisdom, grace and bliss ...
I don't find better words to express what your verse evokes within me ...
it just says : "yes, yes, yes !"
your poems are a true blessing to all,
maa
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powerful
powerful word interesting write
i loved it
it was to good
amazingly done
nice choice of words in every sentence
thank you for sharing keep writing
your truelly an amazing writer keep them coming -
you deserved the gold
this is outstanding
your word choice is perfect
always
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Wow, I really love the line "It is memory of a thousand almost touches" and this poem overall... it has beautiful imagery and form, floating from one stanza to the next. Your punctuation is perfect.
I am just put into awe by this piece. It's a stunning piece of writing. Although I am not religious, I find that this is an absolutely beautiful poem.
-eveline.
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You have such talent in your voice, every word you choose placed in precision affects the thoughts of the reader. Mind blowing how you manage it, I am in awe of the beauty you produce. Keep penning! Congratulations on gold - deserved!
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Very thoughtful and provacative. It challenges the senses. Good write. Happy trails
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*long exhale* Well. I see you've managed to stay busy writing over the few months of my absence. Your pieces are still captivating as ever. I mean this piece- this- I. Love. This. I can't put it any simpler. I think every poet writes poems about poetry at some point in their career, but I doubt I've ever read one so creatively original and inspiring. It felt just like leaves blown on the wind, the way you wrote in semi-thought fragments. Yet it felt like more than just leaves on the wind. This thing drips with creative energy. And that last stanza! That's dynamite! You're an inspiration to us all TTC.
Keep it up! ~SI +==}=========*
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Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
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Outstanding bit of writing
truly enjoy the use of the wind and sea metaphors..I am rarely comfortable commenting on free-verse, but this piece is sweet.. Well-done. Larkin
. Rewarded 4
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What first caught me was the title..Awesome title.
When I clicked and read your poem, it all just fits together. You wrote a wonderful description of life using fantastic metaphors. I truly enjoyed this.
Great job and congratulations on the Gold.
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 6
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The breath of God? Judging from the state the of the world today, he must have halitosis.
Seriously though, this is a little wordy and archaic and too consciously "literary" in my humble opinion. -
A very telling description of how some if not all poets are inspired by nature and the Lord himself,Yet still within A sense of ambiguity for those not so inspired to make of as they will.
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last stanza sums your thoughts up well!
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lovely
The metaphors are unified by the movement of air, from the slightest touch to a heavy force - it is breath that indicates life, the "Breath of God" for human life. I like your images and phrases, the pure sound of "laughter, untangling" is sweet to me.
Congratulations on your trophy, well done!
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Diane thank you so much for your wonderful comment. The opening stanza is a question to be answered by the rest of the poem. Easy enough. Poetry, as we read it is that liquid that fills. But my poem is about the wind, and only about the water (poetry) as it represents us a reflection of our creator. So, you will notice at the end, that the answer to what poetry is is something beyond poetry itself (the liquid). The answer in the end is a mist-- wind or air, yes, yet tangible (because of the liquid mist) like the watery essence of poetry--the breath of God, like warm breath exhaled on the cold night air. I suppose it is not perfectly unifying, but that was my line of thinking.
By the end of the poem, the reader has been thoroughly introduced to the wind--the original source of the poetry (God, the great Poet). By this time the second meaning of that word "well" becomes apparent. The "well" at the beginning spoke not only of water, but of the ink that was to be mentioned later (an ink well). The swirling curls of inked existence is a precursor description of God's breath upon our dark night, but also has the double meaning of letters transcribed upon a page--they are transcribing the Wind, or the breath of God.
To be brief, that we write, that we express our creative thought, our emotion, our depths in poetry is evidence that God not only created us and is the Original Poet, but that He continues to breathe upon us and through us in the form of inspiration. This is an oversimplified statement but you can think of us and our poetry as the liquid, and God as the Wind. And the mist, the combination, is the tangible way he makes himself known through our poetry.
Perhaps my description is more confusing that the poem itself. I hope that wasn't too cumbersome, but hopefully it explains the connection between the water imagery and the wind metaphor. It makes perfect sense in my head, but I want it to be more clear to my readers. Perhaps I should rework some things to make that happen, and for the unity to be more prominent.
The other images in the poem and allusions to the wind are very specific images that are personal to me--areas where the wind blows. They are like examples of the message of the question and answer of the beginning and ending.
You are always so kind to leave such thorough and provocative comments. I truly appreciate you devoting little bits of your wisdom and your time to comment upon my pieces. I very much welcome your insightful constructive criticism! Thank you.
ten
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Delightful! I especially enjoyed "laughter, untangling, as from within a smoldering pyre of verse", and the outstanding "evidence that the Breath of God still whispers through the soul."
I particularly enjoyed the wind metaphors, after moving from the well/water analogy (Lines 2-5; does that idea tie back in at the "curls of inked existence"? If not, perhaps its omission might make the overall consistency run even stronger?). Especially as the 'wisp/gust/wafting/gale' tied so very well into the conclusion! Excellent write, very enjoyable!
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stunning! I know of more than a few that would definitely echo these sentiments! beautiful and masterfully composed! an excellent and eloquent poem!
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Superb. Beautifully written. Poignant.
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