The budding trees and greening leaves grew along the lake
while the swirling mists of morning seemed to follow in his wake
the air was chill but the little boy still ran to the waters shore
and diving in the crystal depths he touched the lakeside floor
his head broke the glassy surface which clung onto his hair
when a sound behind him, let him know that someones there
a girl his own age and height watched him from the trees
and a greeting between them both glided on the breeze
while the sun continued, within it's upward climb
for one brief flash of eternity they both were lost in time
Could it be that you and me are meant for you and I?
True love is rare and seldom, but we don't know till we try
Please don't let this moment pass but hold my hand in yours
instead of thinking what could have been but shall be nevermore
let me guide you and protect you from what the world has to share
your anguish and your problems should not be yours to bear
give me a chance to change them, to take part within your day
please don't send me off alone, though if you ask I will obey
The trees now stood up strongly, their leaves a darkened green
the sun shone brightly in the sky while the lake fed from a stream
a young man walked with purpose, to the remembered waters edge
the warm water sparked his memory as it rose above his head
when he felt another presence, and a smile curved his lip
hand in hand they swam to land and shared a lovers kiss
the waves touched at them gently as they laid upon the beach
in a place where the world could not extend it's reach
the young man and woman, both enjoyed their prime
though things went by, in each others eyes, they stopped the sands of time
Please love me and please hold me, wipe the tears that stream
when you aren't here I start to fear that this is all a dream
let me taste your perfect lips and hold you in my arms
let me guide you and protect you from things that wish you harm
Oh how I wish that we could stay and never have to leave
forever in each others arms while shaded by the trees
Let us have just one more kiss and then be on our way
a perfect end to a perfect time within a perfect day
Where once the trees were young and green they now are yellow red
the ground has changed to the autumn rains of hues of fall instead
an elderly man and woman, gingerly hobble on their way
while the sunset signals an ending to the day
resting on a fallen log they view the fiery sky
and gaze into the burning love inside each others eyes
as they look upon the lake his smile turns to grief
he hears her labored breathing and sees the dying leaves
a single tear of sadness trickles down his face
while he holds her to him, within a love embrace
the world is all around us, but it can not make us part
though I feel it's weight upon my chest your safely in my heart
Death is but another step which we shall gladly cross
for it is not an end but merely another change for us
take my hand and feel secure as we walk along life's road
death is still a ways ahead and gets easier as we go
I feel you tremble in my grasp but do not be afraid
let us make each moment count and cherish our final days
The dying trees are buried, by the falling midnight snow
the moon lights up the ghost filled land where no one ever goes
An ancient man and woman fight to reach their childhood dream
the icy winds blow the frozen snow and utters howls and screams
finally they approach their goal and collapse onto the ground
they smile at each other, oblivious to the sounds
the man leaned over and whispered a few words into her ear
and warming each others fingers his eyes leaked one final tear
the snow still flutters softly, across the frozen land
until on the ground there were two mounds connected hand in hand
I see your pain and suffering, etched upon thy face
and though I've tried and cried to God I cannot take your place
My love for yous eternal, and has all things outshone
I shake with terror but can not bear to let you die alone
grasp my hand in comfort, in safety and in trust
and end the pain of mortal strains that's tried to conquer us
hold me in my weakness, and soothe me with a kiss
and though we die I see your eyes and have my final wish
Author notes
I've got a jar of dirt
short story on death
Natelyst
Jungle Fever
A contest entry
- Death and the Light at the End by Oleander.
1000 points, ended December 14, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HAPPY CONTEST. My first contest only 1 rule! must rhyme. by K1r5ty.
900 points, ended December 29, 2007, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So Many Options Only ONE Winner! (Short stories and poems) I wanna see what you got =]= by Popping Balloons.
730 points, ended April 4, 2008, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost anything you want by Silent But Deadly.
300 points, ended March 25, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for anyone by brokenangel13.
300 points, ended April 5, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOVE IS IN THE AIR.......LET YOUR LOVE HEART SHINE! BIG POINTS!!!!! by ears2hearyou.
1200 points, ended April 11, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite: October '07 - February '08 by animated lies.
850 points, ended April 16, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Hopeless Romantics. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended April 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Amazing!
This poem is by far one of the best I have seen in a long time. I can picture the imagery you write in each stanza. It must've taken careful consideration writing this, right? I also love the title! It's very original! Is it in greek or latin? It has to be one of the two! This is the first poem I have read by you, and already I want to read more! Amazing job!
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Awe-Struck!
This is absolutely PERFECT! I am seriously impressed. The imagery and visions were so very touching. Although, the lines were long, they flowed very nicely together. The rhymes perfect. I do not have anything negative to say about this piece. I'm still in awe. Mesmerizing! -
Awesome job! I really felt the emotion behind this piece! An A+ job! Keep up the awesome work adn thanks so much for the share! I really am looking forward to reading more of your work....which I probably have already............ I read a lot of stuff on here and try to comment on everyones....Sorry for my mindless ramblings.............HAHA!!!!!
Again.....Thanks so much for the brilliant write and share! Good luck with future writes....but judging from this, you don't really need much luck!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~Heroesrox~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* -
WOW you have me speechless I the rhyming it makes the flow of the poem fantastic. Keep writing and take care
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This is really well written.
I like that it is in story form and that it goes through the cycles of life fairly honestly.
The imagery and tone of your poem is good and the way it flows is also well done
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie
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For a long poem, it definitely keeps the readers attention. I felt connected with the characters in this lovely tale and pain in my heart of their outcome. This is a true piece portraying the true circle of life in all of its glory. I understand why this has won so many trophies, and congrats on those. The 5th stanza is my favorite out of them all, and I really liked the analogy between the dying people and the "dying" trees. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
animated
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Quite a long piece for some people to read, but it keeps the attention very well. Very beautiful tale of love and mortality, tied into to strong imagery of nature. In places it reminds us exactly what love should be and not taken for granted, like it so often is.
Good write.
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The length of this write scared me at first but I plunged in (much like the boy and the young man plunging into the lake) and found it flowed easily and was an absorbing story.
Beautiful plot of life, love and death.
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I liked this very poetic entry that had some profund statements and a voice that was endearing all throughout.Beautifully concieved, written and presented. Great job and worth bookmarking.
Bazza
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That was beautiful !
The journey of love and how every step on that journey
is most precious!
well done dearest poet...well done!
WE could really feel the outpouring of love from your
heart flow from your pen to this write!
Beautiful depth of soul!
ears/Seattle. Thankyou kindly for your entry!
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This was really good. I'm glad that I read through this whole thing... It was long I must say but again it was still good and very touching..
Thank you for sharing.. and good luck..
Peace to you, Jetleena
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This was great. It was really long, but I'm glad I soldiered through it. It was definitely worth my time. thanks for entering.
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Now that is totally awesome what a heartfelt story Congratulations on all the golds Excellent imagery Great feelings in this Awesome Awesome Pulled my heart strings
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like papagallo, i dont normally like long poems, but as i thought "Oh great, 78 lines!" I started reading it and really enjoyed myself! spectacular poem, A+!
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What I think?
I am not a reader of long poems, but this was well done. You need to go over your work to catch the spelling errors, you had some in the last stanza. Use spell check it helps. Also try and not use contractions, they ruin a poem and are a lazy way to write. You do not give yourself enough credit. You are a gifted writer, but you need to be aware of your words. It takes time and effort. Have someone read your work to point out spelling errors. Long poems are the most difficult to write. I stay away from long poems. You stayed on track here and brought your readers through the lives oftwo people in love. Your poem was touching and well done, but those writing errors slow the reader down. Ex: The third line last stanza "My love for yous eternal" should be "My love for you is eternal....." Mistakes such as this destroy good work. That line was powerful. Again this was good, but with some heavy one on one help could be improved. See if you can take some college courses in poetry to help you in your craft. Sorry, I am not an online instructor. I always commented on poems and writings face toface with the student and red pen in hand. Take care, Papagallo
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That was beyond brilliant and amazeingest poem, I have ever read. Like..woah...just woah.Your amazing.
~Hayley ae~ -
Marvelous
Oh there is no way I can express what this poem made me feel. It's truely amazing. At a glance I thought it might be one of those poems that drag on forever and then you don't understand it because you don't know the person but... this is the exact opposite. It's a lovely story and it actually did make me cry! They were perfectly happy together even in death and it's just... wow. There is no more I could say about it, is there a way I can give 5 applause? lol! <3 Thank you for directing me to this great, no, magnificent read.
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Captures the essence of the moment between two souls that bind as one. Well written, with great flow.
until immolation,
Grimoire -
I see why you won gold... a brilliant write!
Ken
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This is a wonderful poem! The title alone ranks it among the best poetry to be conceived.I know it's a clich to say but truly...keep it up!
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wow... that physicly took my breath away
so beautiful well done -
Amazing. I'm basically speechless. How can you write this amazingly? I wish I had someone that loved me that much.
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I love a bit of Latin. Those Italians are totally hot 'twixt the sheets. Pity about the pong.
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That was beautiful...
I love how they always return to their childhood memories and how they die together...
It is truly beautiful...
keep up the good work... -
Excellent, profound, and filled with rich vibrant imagery that marched right up to my senses and demanded to be noticed. You have some incredible talent dear poet, I am quite impressed with your raw talent! =D I'm very glad I came across you in the AP chatroom, haha... even though you beat me up! XD Anyway thanks for sharing this wonderful and beautiful piece, I feel I can breathe easier now!
I love LOVED it! Keep up the good work!
~Elizabeth~
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What a marvellous poem! you have such a talent for writing and creating imagery from your words. I found it very emotional and the flow was excellent! i applaud you for this piece and thank you for entering my contest, was truley touched!! kirsty x
p.s Could you please tell me what the title means? -
Rock on
Man what can I say? this is an awesome write I was always a fan of the story esc poetry and you accomplished it hands down, this is one for the books
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What can I say about this write? Well lets see its amazing just the way its written. I love the story line and how it just flowed. Good job. I'm going to have to recommend this poem to my friends to read. Great job. As I always say when I comment someone keep up the good work. You are a good poet. Keep it up.
-Nikki- aka Radiantflowe -
Very Moving
I stumbled across this poem of yours and was intrigued by the title. I'm so glad I read this wonderful, well written poem. This is visual, emotional and flows like water. You have a gift for writing, keep it up!! Many Blessings, FAH
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I shake with terror but can not bear to let you die alone
grasp my hand in comfort, in safety and in trust
and end the pain of mortal strains that's tried to conquer us
hold me in my weakness, and soothe me with a kiss
and though we die I see your eyes and have my final wish
Nicely written this. well done.
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killer, this is awesome. you're good!
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The title is in latin and translates to Eternal Love's Divine. I'm glad that everyone likes the poem to such a high degree because it will be a while before I am able to write another to this caliber.
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Amazingly beautiful.
Your poetry always catches me off guard, while reading this I had to constantly remind myself you wrote it, none the less I feel that this is a wonderful story of two lives and the changing of the world. What does the title mean?
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An excellent poem as always, but the only problem I saw was in the last stanza one typo occurred. Otherwise an amazing poem that I know you are proud of.
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awww
Derek, this made me teary eyed..almost as much as it made you while you were writing it earlier. It's beautiful..It's amazing that you come up with this stuff..from that dark soul of yours. Love you bro.
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"take my hand and feel secure as we walk along life's road
death is still a ways ahead and gets easier as we go
I feel you tremble in my grasp but do not be afraid
let us make each moment count and cherish our final days"
This poem is so full of love and hope. It seems you have described a life from birth to death. The poem itself is very good. It had a profound impact on me. Thanks for putting your poem into the contest.
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Derek, if you make me cry one more time, I swear to god, I'll just have to find some way to reciprocate >.<
Was a very beautiful poem, lol. I hope you comment on the ones I shall be posting soon
Really, honestly though, I'm just gonna hafta toughen up if you keep writing softhearted shit
~hugs
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