She ran through his lips
and onto the page
She poured from his hands
and into the ink
His tea was her spit;
and her spit was his blood
Her hair was his pillow,
and his pillow was her home
She; his bird
his snow
his waking winter
and
He; her water
her wonder
her trilobite taste
One without does not a person make.
Author notes
Edit: Primordial soup changed for originality's sake
In a list
A contest entry
- For the love of god CONFUSE ME by h202.
450 points, ended February 10, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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not only is it short it's extreamly profound.
i hope you don't mind i want to save this in my favorites.. i think this is a rare write and i dont come across these all the time.
good luck in the contest although im sure you dont need it!
<3
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excellent title, first off. fits perfectly. i had to read those first 8 lines, those first 4 couplets if you will, several times to make sense of them and understand the relationships between the comparisons you make. that is excellent. the first four lines make me feel that this poem is about a woman being someone's sole inspiration to write, or that he writes only about this woman you speak of. great closing line. it really ties it together and clears up the message, and if it's a little direct and obvious, the inverted style makes it poetic, so excellent job there.
"primordial soup", while it does elicit good imagery and requires though to understand, i know i've heard in a ton of other works, so that would be my only real gripe. well, good job thanks for enterin -
Beautiful - I have no idea why, but I like it. There is something lovel about this. The pillow, hair and home was very pretty, good work.
~Namita
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