He felt the pain intensely in his jaw.
Extreme heaviness crushing his chest.
Intense burning pain
radiating from his back and
down his lifeless left arm.
Shortness of breath
denying life giving oxygen.
Knowing instinctively his time was near
he slowly backed away
from friends and family.
Not wanting them to watch him die
he walked into the woods.
Labored breathing and pain
forcing him to his knees.
Willing himself to his feet
the pain dropped him to one knee
and he crawled like a wounded animal
moving his head from side to side
trying to lessen the unbearable
relentless pain
across his shoulders.
Lying down in a bed of multi colored leaves
he breathed in the scent of autumn
Sweat burned his eyes as he closed them
perchance to see the face of his love
and her smiling eyes
which appeared to change color
like the falling autumn leaves.
Fading in and out of awareness
he cried out to her
as she faded away.
A luminous whiteness
appeared as
he reached out
and touched
the face
of
~God~
Author notes
A contest entry
- Blow Me Away. by Dead Red Head.
400 points, ended November 5, 2008, 37 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewritten contest for all by serenity silvermoon.
490 points, ended January 30, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - She wrote love on his broken heart. by Fallen Under Light.
400 points, ended July 23, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just make it amazing! by X.brokenlover.X.
977 points, ended November 18, 305 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ended November 24, 258 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I think this is as perfect a death as one could ever have, in spite of the horrible pain of a heart attack, he is focused, ready, not afraid...
You are a strong writer. I loved reading this.
Sincerely,
Camille Morin
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Wow.
I loved the ending.
Good Luck! -
this is a great poem thank you for entering
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You are a wonderful writer but I have to dq this piece it is the third prewrite you have entered sorry
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*tears*
Very intense and powerful! You describe a pain that I can only imagine; but I do have a mild heart condition and I have felt those things to a much lesser degree. Also, panic/anxiety can bring on a sense of a heart attack and dying. I have been close to death once when I saw a beautiful, white light. You describing the person seeing his love again made me cry. Then, the face of God - there are no words for that! This was masterfully written...
Karen
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o.o
this isn't what I'm looking for, I'm sorry -
This is brilliant. So descriptive. Thanks for entering and good luck
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AMAZING!
Really well done, good imagery, placed the wording so nicely...really great flow sounds like something I used to write!! Thanks so much for entering this contest and the greatest luck! -
Lovely!
A love story in its own right! This is a brilliant piece. Such sweet imagery and emotion. The pain is so descriptive and yet the love in the end is so sweet. A man calling for his love in the face of death. So sweet and tender and yet so tragic. Such a lovely piece! Good Luck! -
this love story has such hope and heartrenching reality just sprinkled all over it, you ability to care so much about someone you do such a great job overall with your expression of emotion.
great job
thanks for entering. -
my mom had a heart trans plant in 2006 god blees you
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wonderfully written,
i love the flow,
i can tel that you have experienced such things as your emotion shows right through, very convincing write if not!
thank you! alex -
have you had this experience? If not, then that is quite some write. If so, it's even more of a 'quite some' write. I found this took me back to my father. And his fear at what eventually happened to him. I found it hard to cope at the time - just hope I afforded him the kindness and love he always showed me. Oh dear, now I am undone... but thank you nonetheless.
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Thanks again
I have had this experience 6 times. Each one a little different and all very painful. heart attack happened exactly as written here. I am writing a book about these 27 years. Some chapters are posted at Storywrite.com. Thanks again for the applause
Richard -
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Did you actually walk away from everyone that might have helped though? Sorry - not being nosey - just curious that someone might be that fearless.
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Actually the though of walking out into the woods to die is constantly running through my mind. I must have Indian blood running through me
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actually, no---I took a few liberties here to make the poem more dramatic. I didn't die either
D. My book actually records each heart attack exactly as it happened.
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wow, i dont know how to describe this except maybe awesomely original!! thank you for entering and good luck
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very nice poem about life , pain, love very deep i love it keep righting you get a hug like all the poeple in my contest-hugs tight-
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you gave me shivers!
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Wow, nice! You really got me hooked from the start! And the ending was pretty nice too. A great write, congratulations
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This was very very sad. Very desciriptive and ver sad. Thanks for your entry, well done and good luck.
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This is very sad.
Thank you for your entry. -
Wow. This poem has a lot of impact, it's beautifully written. I love it. Thank you for entering it in my contest
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Thanks for you kind words
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I like where you were going with it and the way you organized the ending really made it.
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Thanks,
Richard
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This Is sad. But touching. I Loved It.
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Thank you
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