Anther day, another heart;
Zero chances from the start.
Broken soul in shattered pieces;
You broke mine, but now pain ceases.
Create a new one, you can not!
Deceived me, yet I still believed.
Who would've thought we'd end up split?
Eternal hate now, just for your
Vain and selfish, ugly soul.
Failed to return my love,
"Us" you got me to be sick of.
Got around and sneaked away,
Thank God you no longer stay!
How high have you, dearest, felt
Since you left and nothing kept?
I, beloved one, moved along;
Roads separed with just one thought.
Joy, of course, I'll feel again!
Queen has always won the game.
King you are, "Check mate!" I say,
Pray for one more chance! You pray...
Light has shined across black spots
Only one other left knot.
Move along, 'cause I did too...
Nothing left ties me of you!
Author notes
Let's call this...form, I guess, The Mask. Every stanza has 2 lines(except the third one). The first line begins with the first letter of the alphabet, the second with the last. In the second stanza, you start the first line with "b", and the second with "y", and so on. The only exception is the first stanza, that has only one line, that is like...a shout. Basically, because there is no word with X that would fit there, but I guess it looks good!
I hope you will enjoy this, I am VERY open to suggestions!
A contest entry
- Final Round - Invite Only by Florida Sunshine.
1750 points, ended December 22, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - + I'll Never Stop Loving You + by ThatONEweirdChick.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies to Gold (or silver or bronze) by whispernthedark.
440 points, ended February 2, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the worst heart break.... by pain is strength.
335 points, ended April 26, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Welcome ladies and Gents by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
450 points, ended July 11, 2008, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Vent it out! by Lsh-x.
600 points, ended August 11, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1708 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Breaken Hearted As Always- IM IN LOVE by Shannon62875.
490 points, ended April 22, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Opinions?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is a very good write... Very Strong And Very Painful.. Im really sorry for what you hav been through.. i can feel the hurt.. keep up the great work and good luck in my contest!
Shannon*Leah -
This is an impressive piece.
It started very strong and remained it all the way to the end. You also compared your emotions to a chess game, which is rare, and unique.
'King you are, "Check mate!" I say,
Pray for one more chance! You pray...
Light has shined across black spots
Only one other left knot.
Move along, 'cause I did too...
Nothing left ties me of you!'
I liked it
Well done, and Good luck -
Great i liked this alot its very well written and greatly done. "Broken soul in shattered pieces;
You broke mine, but now pain ceases.
Create a new one, you can not!
Deceived me, yet I still believed.
Who would've thought we'd end up split?" that was my favorite part.Tthanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
Shelly
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this is very good...it would be nice to have more detail in the pain...more emotion...but other then those two things..this was very good...! good luck in my contest..
pain is strength
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Form poetry allows no creativity, and it's useless. Does a poem written in form really bring long-suppressed emotion out of you? Does it bring anything out of you at all? Not really. I gagged on the rhyme.
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really nice peice!
the title is the strongest title ive heard in ages
"the departure"
theres something striking about it! -
Your rhyme here flows so well it does not feel forced at all. I wonder though why some stanzas don't rhyme, did you do that on purpose or did you run out of rhymes. It doesn't really affect the poem, but I just noticed it.
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Wow
I love the form idea... I would never be able to write like that Amazing job!
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cool
that is an awesome form. personally i am a huge fan of form in poetry. awesome job!
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I like this, it was interesting to read and very creative. I like your style, there doesn't seem to be much to point out by way of corrections. Heck, not every poem is fit for every letter of the alphabet, right? I think it's wonderful, keep it up.
I just might have to try this out some time.
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Wow, this was interesting, and very creative indeed! You are a very gifted young lady, and I know that you will go far with your writing. All the best, and good luck in the contest!
Blessings,
Laura
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Thank you Laura!! I was afraid people will think of it as dull...but I guess not!!
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Great write, I love the way that the words all flow together. The thought put into this write is awesome. Keep up the wonderful penning
Brit Brit
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The first two stanzas of this seem the best to me, not that the rest of it is not good. Yep. This poem is great, nice message. Thanks for entering this into my contest.
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amazing one!geee,this was challanging!good luck in the contests,Vi!
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Thanks!! If I get to hold a public speech(which I won't, but it's still nice to dream about it!), I'll say "I have to thank my Mom, my Dad, my cat, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand MISS STANGER!!" *audience claps*
Ha!
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WOW Creative ~ I didn't even catch the A - Z, B- Y etc... It does look great~ and the piece I would definately say can fall under very powerful and strong. You did a fabulous job! I did enjoy this a great deal.
Congrats on making the final round ~ clearly you've shown you're ability of being an excellent poet ~ Thanks for getting your entry in Masky ~ I did enjoy it.
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