saturated and soiled
we swam in dumpsters of denial
praying for an early pick up
hoisted away and discarded in heaps
atop landfills for forgotten flings
blinded and blissful, eyes caked in contamination
forged from sub serviant mettle
our cracks ran deep and wide
we crossed the great divides of failure
until we rested in each others arms
waiting for the other to breathe
before regaining our attitude adjustment
slipping into another nightfall
settling around our raging fire of failure
content to roast melancholy marshmallows
we burn together, melting slowly to ash
as not to be alone, up in flames we float
the fire dies out
at least we had each other
Author notes
you ever had poems that just seemed to write themselves? this one was like that.
Written October 30th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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"as not to be alone, up in flames we float
the fire dies out
at least we had each other"
i loved these lines...they were probably the most simply put, but to me they seemed to sum up the poem. the metaphor you used and how it encompassed your whole poem was outstanding...this was very well written.
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lol at UB1. She's such a good critic huh. Me? I either like it or I don't and I never critique or try to tell you what it means.
But I can tell you that I, too, have swam in dumpsters of denial
praying for an early pick up so I know whatcha mean Gooey. I like this one, it speaks to me and that's no bull.
Yes I'm had poems that seem to write themselves but they usually suck so I take no blame for them.
All kidding aside, this is a gooder.
Desiree
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wow! that is deeeeeeeeep! (i mean it)
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Your writing has evolved Jake. There is such maturity here. It flows so effortlessly. I dont want to sound like a fawning imbecile but seriously, this is extremely good work.
Too many good lines to highlight one in particular.
I think its excellent but then... what does my opinion matter....?
Lisa x -
Jake, this is so sad yet tinged with beauty too.. such words envelope my soul and cause them to be crushed and folded, take some time for yourself and put those memories to rest..
~GILL~xxxx -
This is just...hmmm...i am trying to find the words here. Can you believe it? Me? At a loss for words? I know, seems almost unbelievable...
"...content to roast melancholy marshmallows..." Damn, that line in particular...but this whole piece just reeks of "settling." So much in this speaks to that. Shoot, no one likes or wants to be alone...not really. No matter what they say. But for me, i would rather spend the rest of my life on eternal hiatus than feel what this piece "feels." But then again, since i am not really sure where this comes from...i may be way off track...and truly am only speaking to what it makes me feel when the words flash through my mind. Even though it reads as though it is about being with someone regardless of how shitty it is...just for the sake of being "with someone"...and having it be easier than the alternative of being alone...it could also have another meaning, which i am currently pondering(actually, i have numerous thoughts on what this one could be about)...because it is all about perception...and my perception is skewed, cuz whenever i read something, it is all about what it makes me feel...(yeah, it's all about me...always!lmao)
Anyway, there is a sadness here...something that pulls me to want to comfort...like a child crying in a darkened room...just feels so "lonely"...hmmppfff...well, again, i ramble...forgive me
Just a teensy thing that i noticed...take it or leave it:
"...our cracks ran deep and wide..." i think it would read better if you switched the words "deep and wide" to "wide and deep"...could just be me, but it seems to glide more with those two words transposed.
UB
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