At dawn, the world lay mantled white, austere,
In chilling frost that muffled all desire;
By noon, the snow might thaw and disappear.
At night, the sky arced cold and cloudless-clear
With promise to discover secret fire;
At dawn, the world lay mantled white, austere.
With sunrise came a single brilliant spear,
A blaze that brushed against a distant spire;
By noon, the snow might thaw and disappear.
Bitter with the loss of faith severe,
I could not find the strength I would require
At dawn. The world lay mantled white, austere,
Too painful for me to contemplate so near;
And yet…that spear…assurance to inspire:
By noon, the snow might thaw and disappear.
Thus the unceasing cycle of my fear,
Bleak ebb and flow in anhedonic gyre:
At dawn, the world lay mantled white, austere;
By noon, the snow might thaw and disappear.
Author notes
micol
A contest entry
- Villanelles by zhaniswolf.
600 points, ended January 22, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Villanelles, any subject by ecrivain01.
550 points, ended February 3, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - /B/r/e\a\k\ me into p.i.e.c.e.s, Im such a h-o-p-e-l-e-s-s case. by Silent Emotions.
900 points, ended February 25, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Wonderful poem ...
however, I specifically asked that no poems be entered which have won a trophy in my previous contests. Shame on you. You didn't read the rules.
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So sorry--I was trying to multi-task...something I should have learned long ago not to attempt. Won't happen again.
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This was quite lovely, great imagery. its something i really like, when I can actually visualize what the speaker is saying.
I do need you to put your AP name in the A/N though. -
Wonderful meter and rhymes, great use of the form for these recurring thoughts. Congratulations!
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Well done ...
and done well.
Thanks for entering. -
Brilliant sustained metaphor - the outer scene reflecting the inner psyche. A stellar write.
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i had to learn new vocabulary, which isn't a bad thing. a different change in atmoshpere from the funny villanelles i read before this one, but just as good. thank you for sharing it with me.
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One of the best Villanelles I've read on this site. Excellent, sir.
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Comment much appreciated. This one began around 2am, with me staring out the window at fresh snow and waiting for dawn...still hours away. The final couplet presented itself, and the rest of the piece followed. I don't tackle the form often, but this one felt right. Thank you.
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This is beautifully written, painting an entralling picture of seasonal affective disorder. Thank you for introducing me to a new word (anhedonic). I enjoy readidng poems that show an interesting use of language. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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Sounds so very S.A.D. Very icy write, chilled me to my toes... brrrr! I know me, if I felt like that, I'd hit the bottle. If for little else, than the warm glow and the blissful distortion? Just kidding, hehehe! Great emoting in your piece... Best of luck!
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sometimes that spear in one's side can hurt like the dickens, the trick is to not fear, 'fear', but to disassociate it into its elementary elements, which are tidbits of the unknown. Replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity makes for better sense and more smiles of wonderment.
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I like how you've taken a winter scene that many would find beauty in, and used it to paint a different picture entirely. If we can but hang on, the sun does eventually come out and will melt away those woes. Excellent use of this tricky form, and best of luck to you!
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A very accomplished villanelle, my friend--nicely worded and with excellent flow.
Bill
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Many thanks. The form is tricky, but each time I've attempted it, it has taken over...the rhythms, the sound patterns, the repetition that becomes almost incantation if done right.
Thank you for the reading and the comments. And best for the Holidays.
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This is amazing, nice hopeful sense about it, very well thought out and very well penned, I lIke it.
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Oh really well done.... it circles roudn and round that fear.... beautifully done.
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Many thanks. The contest came at just the right moment for this one to find its way out.
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