Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Bile on your Shoes

 
 
 
 
 
Bright shadows take turns
to stagger across this room,
crown to anchor in shades
of charcoal blue carbon.
Sometimes, the occupant drinks
fine wine like tequila-
heady shots, not tasting
all a visitor might give.

With disrespectful humour, words
are swallowed whole then spat
on to the rug. Round with remorse,
little chunks of a past inhabited
by boy, repeat to spill on other

people's shoes.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author notes

Sorry is easily spoken - but better written.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Naridill gold member
    December 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think the others were just scared. This contest - of all one entry - was beautiful entry and I am sure no matter the entrants, you would've watched them follow in behind this beautiful piece anyway

    Stunning as always


  • Tirrell
    December 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the tinged sooty dark imagery of this, it gives life to this image, as well love the metaphores.
    you have a divine way of putting things, I like this much.


  • Namita silver member
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    excellent -

    i adore the title very much


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply


    ? did I miss something?

  • TheRamer
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is good! not the best of yours by far, but very good nonetheless... i'm going to have to disagree with cat, this new style, in my opinion, is hindering the substance. the flow is studdered, jammed up almost. The imagery is still vibrant in it's use of concise word play as usual. oh... and ya, this is very very relateable. overall, still a good piece...


  • Rowan gold member
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a written apology is better, if written as painfully, and felt as deeply as this.


  • Cat gold member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    content aside- i like this new style you are working with
    - it's fun to watch someone
    bring a new side of themselves to the forefront..

    m

1 - 8 of 8