The thought, pervading, begins to unfurl,
A smile, triumphant, begins with a curl,
My mind explores, rememb’ring, revealing,
No how or why - nothing more than the feeling,
Of holding your hand, soft-silken grace, every
Movement, a flutter, the finest of lace,
Your hair let fall, to cover the Lisa,
The Chapel, made shuttered,
Transfiguration unfinished,
Verse left unuttered.
For to secret away, a thing quite so
Fair, beauty laid bare, the likes of which ne’er,
Upon I’d laid eyes, nor shall again; that,
No art could ever hope comprehend.
Of marble, of snow, the hottest of ice,
A warmth to be felt on the coldest of nights,
To shiver: no chill, but the highest of heights.
A Fury, to think of a life without light,
Single glimmer of hope, granter of life.
Words but dry ink, blood ever flowing,
A poem once wrought, love ever growing,
I write this now; I need to, but knowing,
Tomorrow I’ll feel - just so much more:
Too much for showing.
Author notes
a/10
a/10
b/10
b/10
c/10
c/10
d/10
e/6
f/8
e/5
f/10
f/10
g/10
g/10
h/10
h/11
h/11
h/11
h/11
i/9
i/10
i/10
j/9
j/5
i know, it seems loose, but I found the 6/8/5 particularly good at wrapping up any thought in general, leading to a conclusion that flowed very well, same as the 9/5 couplet at the end (preceded by that 9-syllable line)
and i know, 11 syllables per line isn't iambic pentameter, but seeing as all four h's fit the form, i see no real problem with it.
i personally thought the little g/h transition was a little ingenious - instead of switching the rhyme and meter at the same time, i did rhyme first, followed by meter in the next line - i think that worked pretty well in keeping flow well.
lisa = mona, leonardo
chapel = sistene, michaelangelo
transfiguration = raphael's, completed by a student of his following his death (the painting has a rather clear religious meaning when seen)
fury =/= anger, but rather a literary reference to a fury, see wikipedia
any thoughts?
A contest entry
- Final Round - Invite Only by Florida Sunshine.
1750 points, ended December 22, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any thoughts?
Comments
-
Its pleasant to see others (you) write in a manner that echoes voices of the past. Well done with this. This rounds contest has been enjoyable. Best luck.
~ Starr~ XXX -
This is good...
I really like the flow of it, it flows naturally, without feeling at all forced as some poetry does...
I'm liking your poetry, I haven't really read that much of it, but I like it...
Good luck in the contest, I'm sure you'll do great, it's an awesome poem =)
-
Wow ~ i'm simply impressed.... I got the connections just based off the piece for Lisa, chapel, transfirguration, fury. I also caught the meter and rhyme well before the ah notes.... The flow was excellent smoooth as silk ~ all in all ~ impressive and excellently written. I did enjoy the piece!
Congrats ~ clearly anyone can see why you're among the finalist~ Thanks for getting in M.K.
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