[ I am lost in a raging sea ]

I am lost in a raging sea
That is not of tranquillity
I know not what it is I seek
Or if my future is truly bleak
I pray for answers every day
Or for a sign in any way
I do not know what I should do
I don’t know if I belong with you
If lust or love should rule my head
These are the thoughts that spin with dread
Should I live for self-gratification?
And risk the ramifications
Should I live for others and never myself?
Forsaking my body, my soul, my health
Which is the path that is meant for me
Which life is meant and meant to be
Why am I lost in a stable life?
Why do I feel surrounded by strife?
Is this the life that others lead?
Or am I truly alone indeed
Why must I have this torch to bear?
Without sounding childish it just isn’t fair?
My life seems fine and then it seems
That it all falls apart at the seams,
I cannot live this tumultuous life,
Can I truly be just someone’s wife?
Why am I trapped inside my head?
Is it life or myself I really dread?
Why must I feel this in my heart?
This thunderous pain tearing me apart
My eyes are spinning beyond control
I’m falling deeper in my hole
The deep black hole within my soul
The place where I justly feel alone
The place where all my bad thought lie
The place where all I hear is why
Why me,
Why here,
Why never good,
The place where dreams just never could
Could belong in this place so bad
Could belong when I’m just so sad
Sad from all this pain I endure
The end is near; of this I’m sure
If it is not and I must stay
I may not be able to live the day
The day that never seems to end
Just one bit of hope I wish to lend
Lend so I may see my hope
And so I may learn how to cope
And then it may not seem so bleak
My heart may not beat so very weak
Beat within my rising chest
Hidden beneath my lonesome breast
The breast that hides the scars of heart
The scars that set me far apart
Far apart from my peers and friends
For they do not desire the end
Desire the end of turmoil and pain
So they do not have to live it all again