The pure emotion unbearable.
A cold winters day,
in the woods all alone.
She left with no warning.
Youth at home waiting,
wanting nothing more
than for her return.
She yearned for the end.
Now he stands with out condolence.
Silence where warmth once was.
A mountain upon him,
the bottle his only friend.
The days before him more
trying than anyone should have to take.
His little girls never to truly
know the woman from which he came.
The end so enticing to him,
He can not find his strength.
He looks to the future,
but longs for the past.
Each breath more forced than the last.
Every waking moment more of the same test.
Author notes
option 3 suicide...well those left behind My friend found his mother today...she committed suicide. I don't know that I could take that.
(It's been about a month now...he's taking it hard. Who wouldn't? He goes day by day and turns to the bottle a little more than he should. He has some great friends though that are always there for him.)
A contest entry
- Another Sad Contest!!! {{Picture & Song Quote Inspired}} by PerfectImperfection.
685 points, ended December 12, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just be yourself- by Nishantshah2381.
300 points, ended January 15, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life Is Hopeless by Ah.Sosha..
875 points, ended February 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry by dead-love-for-fun.
600 points, ended March 1, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poor Unfortunate Souls by GypsyEyes.
400 points, ended February 17, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - as always...1 winner!{loooottts of options}}(little rules) by DogTagz-TheJalapeno.
302 points, ended February 11, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Everything you've Got by CrystalJet.
600 points, ended March 14, 2008, 318 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Well... when I first looked at this I expected it to rhyme just from the way you broke it up into stanzas, but you didn't so that surprised me. I don't really like the format you used with this poem but I find it nice that you would write something about a friend going through a hard time. My favorite part would have to be the end. I just wish you could have put more emotion into it... but good luck.
Sosha -
love all the emotion in your poem! just the kind of thing i was looking for! thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you!
NineTailedFox -
wonderful
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nice and sad
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This is so sad.
Very powwerful, emotional write.
"Each breath more forced than the last.
Every waking moment more of the same test. "
Really sad .
Good luck in the contest.
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thts just perfect for emotion you have picked for the contest.Till now no one had this in my contest
now some comments on poem:
plot you did set marvelled me.but then you didnt do justice with the characters.more interaction would be the key to this piece. but end line did set the mood of desperation in the end in minds of readers
I only like to appreciate about the theme and creativity you used here
so You sure have edge on others
please might work on introduction it lacks somee fluency
content- 6 out of 10
vocabulary- 6.5 out of 10
accuracy- 8 out of 10
creativity- 8.5 out of 10
theme- 8 out of 10
originality- 8.5 out of 10
totals- 45.5 out of 60
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A touching piece. "The pure emotion unbearable" is a perfect introduction.
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Even before I read the author notes, I found this to be very touching. A painful sense of loss, increasing in the swallow of acceptance. Well penned! Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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No matter how difficult she can be,I dont think any of us would cope.
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