I have never been one to do what others do
just because I should;
but I have always been one to shy away from my own feelings
and hide my emotion from others;
in this way, to keep myself comfortable, others content
I lie and I lie and I lie some more.
As the wintry night settles down on my spirit,
suffocating me in the darkness,
and all I want to do is scream and cry,
rip out my hair,
draw blood and cause pain,
I just lay there;
I shiver and I shake
and I suffer alone:
that is the first lie.
The second lie comes in the early morn
when I want nothing better than to never get up;
all my motivation is gone, my will to live--
not leaving room to die, instead
making me want to laze about and do nothing;
but I push forth anyway, however much I hate it,
and I pretend that's how I want it with laughs and smiles.
The third lie comes every minute of every day
when I joke around with my friends, talk nice to my teachers,
speak with my parents, "enjoy" my life;
I keep these words, these pains locked up within
because I'm the "normal" one
the "smart" one
the "good" one
the "unobtrusive, responsible, hard-working" one
no one needs to worry about, no one needs to reassure--
the one who's as empty as the night;
each smile tears me up inside
because I know better, my thoughts are poisonous with knowledge:
that is the pain of every smile.
Author notes
This might be stretching it. Sometimes my mind deviates from the prompts as things flow. But this is what I thought of and created, so it's what I shall enter.
A contest entry
- Smile? by Exodus.
525 points, ended January 18, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hm...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Lane sent me. I think in this poem you are either really honest,
or you are a really good writer. Either way you are a good writer.
Joe
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I think you already know I share in these lies. Oh, and this time? I read it all. And it's quite penetrating and deep. I love it. Reminds me of when one is swimming in a lake or a pool.... and, at first the water is normal and refreshing and then one dives down and hits a cold font and you can feel that gradient of tepid to cold to ice within seconds.... Ooooo....
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Many do, love. In admitting it, you half-beat them.
Thank you. Wonderful comparison! I would envy your prose...but I take is as a rightly earned gift to you, just as my words are my own gift. Good or bad
Now go back and read INSPIRATION...when you can
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You have hit closer to the mark than a lot of the entries have, so thank you
I think this was a bit wordy in places, and a little too literal in others but other than that, a great description of the feeling I was striving for. Thank you
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The imagery is really loud and clear in this well written piece. Good luck in the contest sweetie. Love ya, Cathy
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love this
"As the wintry night settles down on my spirit"= best line ever because you stayed away from so many tired cliches, also I love your use of grammar in this poem
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well, i think this is amazing--i can definatly relate to those three lies--love it
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